Category Archives: love

NoThanks – Day Twenty-Five

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Today I’m thankful for my parents and everything they taught me.

I had a really great childhood. It was happy and secure and I never questioned whether or not my folks loved me and my sisters. I was never worried they would divorce and always knew there was nothing I could do to make them hate me or throw me out of  the house (though I never tested this principle). In this way they taught me about unconditional love.

Mom and Dad were the first to teach me about God.  I learned that God is involved in everything and in every day, not just church on Sunday mornings. I was instructed that I could pray to him at anytime, anywhere and for any reason. I watched my father study his bible and commentaries in preparation to lead a Sunday School class or fill in for the minister on a Sunday morning or maybe just because he wanted to.

They taught me that church wasn’t a building you go to on Sunday mornings, but rather an assembly of people who love God and who love each other. This teaching included a lesson on serving others -whether at church or in the community – and was taught by example, not lecture.

My parents taught me respect. Respect for myself and respect for others, regardless of who they were. I was never made to feel less than anyone else, but neither was I ever made to feel that I was better than anyone else.

My father taught me an appreciation for music and especially a fondness for classical, bluegrass and Dixieland jazz. My mother taught me that singing (or whistling) while you work really does make housework better. She also taught me the joy of laughter.

They taught me that marriage is a serious commitment and not something to be taken lightly. Next April will mark their 60th anniversary. I learned that you enjoy the good times and work through the not as good times and that giving up is not an option. I observed my dad’s grins at my mother’s mischievousness and her smiles at his dry humor and realized the importance of “inside jokes”.

Mom and Dad taught me how to be a parent. Everything they did was done in love and for my best interest, even when I didn’t like it. I learned about gentleness and discipline and the importance of family.

I am who I am today in large part because of these two people who taught me so much just by the way they conducted their lives.

And that makes me very thankful!

NoThanks – Day Nineteen

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Tonight I’m thankful for a great celebration of the anniversary of my 39th birthday!

The morning didn’t start out so well. I had planned to leave early so I could stop by Starbuck’s and get my complimentary birthday beverage. Everything was running on schedule, but I didn’t account for my chatty family. Or the loose lid on my baked oatmeal container which fell off, spilling sticky baked oatmeal into my unzipped purse. Or the frost on the windshield of Todd’s truck that I had to drive this morning, making me have to wait for the defroster to kick in. To add insult to injury I don’t know how to work Todd’s stereo and was forced to listen to music I don’t like on the way to work.

Work was pleasant, though. Nothing stressful or difficult and coffee was involved. Starbuck’s coffee, to be exact. Not a white chocolate mocha or a pumpkin spice latte, but some delicious, hot French Roast nonetheless. After coffee, the half of the baked oatmeal that didn’t fall out of the container and a few projects, I was taken to lunch by a few of my friends. We had Mexican. It was delicious. And fun. And free for me.

From there I drove home and then Todd and I immediately left for a visit with his elbow surgeon. He had elbow surgery over a year ago and he still has severe tenderness and even nauseating pain when he rests his arm on a table or arm rest or whatever. The doctor’s office was running behind and we were there for nearly two hours. The doctor thinks he has scar tissue pressing on nerves in his elbow and we’re going to try some therapies before we get to surgical clean up. He’s also had a lot of pain in his right index finger and it turns out he sprained it. So yeah. He’s a mess. But at least now we know why.

Anyhoo, between the traffic and our stop for Chinese food it took us an hour to get home. When we walked in the door Shelby was making my birthday cake from scratch.

So the evening went something like this:

Dinner

Laughing

Scrabble (I won, but they said they let me because it was my birthday.)

Giggling

Cake (It was spectacularly delicious. It’s her grandmother’s recipe with a secret ingredient that I am now privy to, but I can’t tell you because then it wouldn’t be a secret anymore. It was chocolate with a yummy icing, topped with dark chocolate pieces and then drizzled with peanut butter sundae topping.)

Yummy sounds

I think I’ll run to Starbuck’s tomorrow morning to get my belated birthday beverage to drink with my breakfast. The breakfast that’s chocolate with icing and dark chocolate pieces and peanut butter sundae topping. Just exactly like my birthday cake.

Spoons and Forks Only

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I’m struggling a little bit with this phase of my life. For twenty years I’ve been a mom. That’s been my thing. And I’m a pretty good one, too. Not perfect. Not great. But pretty good. I mean, my kids have made it to 17 and 20 with a minimum of mental and/or emotional scarring so that must say something.

It is easily the best and most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done. But now, all of a sudden it seems, my services are no longer as necessary. Sure, I’ll always be their mom. That will never change. And sure, they’ll always need me to some extent. But they have their own lives now. Taylor just started his third year of college yesterday. And while he still technically lives at home, he was only here for a very short time this past summer because he was off being a young adult in another city. And I may be jumping the gun where Katie is concerned, but she gets so busy with school, work, church, singing, friends, etc., that she’s hardly ever home either. And in another year there’s no telling where she’ll be.

I’m glad for them. I’m proud of them. I want this for them. This independence. This making their own way in the big world. This cutting of the apron strings…

Okay. So the apron strings aren’t completely cut yet. But they are being sawed on with a table knife. Slowly but surely, each thread of the string is being severed and I’m helpless to stop it. And I don’t necessarily want to stop it. Except I really, really want to stop it. Just for a little while longer. I’d like to take away the knife and hand it back when I’m ready.

And nobody ever told me that the apron strings keep a mother’s heart afloat. With each thread that snaps I feel my heart sink just the teensiest bit. I suppose, though, that it’s the selfless love of a mother that keeps the heart from plummeting completely. The love that motivates my desire for my children to become the adults that God wants them to be. Even if that means that someday they will not just go to college far from home, but may actually live far from me.

I recently told them both that I demand they always live within three hours of me and have at least two, three would be better, but four would be preferable, children once they are married and settled. They both said okay, but I get the feeling they thought I was joshing. Maybe because I don’t have a great track record as a daughter where those demands are concerned. (FYI – my mother never placed that demand on me.)

A friend of mine had a very premature baby a couple of months ago and he was finally able to come home for the first time about a week or so ago. It was very questionable for a while as to whether or not he would even survive. Thankfully he did survive and is doing quite well now. This is her first child and she made a comment to me that I’ve heard several other women make about a child that they could have lost in infancy. She said (paraphrased greatly), “I think I love him even more than most new moms because I almost lost him.” Not to belittle the horror and then profound relief of her or any other mother’s similar situation, but I disagree. Didn’t we all feel like nobody could have ever loved their child as much as we love ours? A mother’s love is a fierce and unimpenetrable force. There is nothing to be done against it.

So why am I so surprised at how hard all this is on me? Between this and everything going with my dad I feel like there’s always a little bit of sadness just under the surface. I don’t like it. I don’t do sad well.

And here’s the funny thing. I didn’t even start out writing this post! I was going to talk about how I don’t have my kids to play with anymore so now I’m going to play with my friends this afternoon and go kayaking, but this is what came out. Which is why I’ve been so bad about blogging. It’s always a little maudlin so I delete it. I guess I’ll just leave it be – apparently I needed to get it out.

Hopefully I’ll have a much more Jensteresque post after my kayaking adventure with Tina this afternoon!

Love Notes

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Todd and I went to second service yesterday, after which he went home and I went to a meeting. Katie had to wait on me for a little bit so she hung out at my desk until I was ready to leave. I didn’t pay any attention to my cubicle as we left and was pleasantly surprised when I went into the office this morning. This is what I found:

I wasn’t stressed or frustrated, nor did I need to be cheered up, but I was impatient and there was no note for when that might happen. So I just opened them all. Would you like to see? Yes? Okay.

Note #1:

Note #2:

Note #3:

Church was a very moving, poignant experience for me yesterday and I think the emotional exhaustion was still lingering this morning. Walking in on these notes was just the medicine I needed to lift the fog and give my day a kick-start.

Man, I love that girl!

Best Weekend Ever

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Day One, Thursday:

We had a firm, no exceptions departure time of 9-ish AM and successfully met the “ish” portion of our goal by pulling out of the driveway at 10:30. Our normal 6 hour, one stop drive turned into an 8 hour, four stop trip. Partly because of all the fluids I was drinking to keep my system flushed and partly because the truck runs through fuel like poo through a goose when pulling the trailer. Or maybe in this case it would be more appropriate to say it runs through fuel like pee through me when drinking a lot of fluids to keep my system flushed. Besides, I’m not so sure the “poo through a goose” saying is accurate. I’m not hip to the bowel habits of water fowl.

Anyhoo, we finally made it to the Virginia Byway, the road the campground was on. When I had originally put the campground address in the GPS (which on several occasions throughout the day wanted us to take some crazy route) only Virginia Byway showed up, no actual address. As we were winding our way west, blinded by the setting sun and trying to find the campground, it was like we fell off the end of the earth. There were no roads on the GPS, only a river. Not only that, but we had no phone service at all. And then we heard dueling banjos.

Just when I had given up all hope (not really, but it sounds so much more dramatic this way) we saw the light. Literally. We saw the light from the campground sign. We checked in, Todd got the trailer set up and we settled in for the evening. Unfortunately we were unable to call Taylor to let him know we made it safe and sound.

Day Two, Friday:

Katie, Sookie and I did a little exploring this morning and the campground is really nice. There’s a lovely pond full of ducks that intrigued Sooks to no end, but thankfully she didn’t try to catch one. Though if she had maybe I would know the deal with the poo and the goose, or duck, which I figure a duck’s fecal habits are probably very similar to a goose’s. We had a delicious breakfast of pancakes (no bacon – we’re saving it all for tomorrow’s breakfast) and Todd has gone off the mountain for a Wal-Mart run and to contact Taylor. The plan is once Taylor finishes his last class for the day at 1:00 he’ll come up and stay for a bit. He also has some friends that are coming up tonight for a weenie roast and s’mores-a-thon.

So stay tuned…

And I’m back.

Todd made contact with Taylor and gave him directions to the campground. Take Business Rte. 29 South out of Lynchburg to 130, aka Amherst Byway, aka Virginia Byway, aka Elon Byway where you take a left and drive about 16 miles to the campground on the right. Taylor said he’d be out to the trailer around 3:00. So when he hadn’t showed up by 4:00 this mama was getting a little agitated. Not only was my child somewhere between here and there, he had no way to get a hold of us. Once again Todd made his way down the mountain so he could call Taylor. Katie and I took Sookie for a walk and napped and watched a little Sleepy Hollow – anything to keep my mind off both my boys who should have been here and not there.

Finally they both pulled in around 5:30 and this was one happy mama! I think I nearly hugged Taylor’s head right off. Turns out he followed Todd’s directions – Business Rte. 29 South. Except the campground is north of Lynchburg.

Another hour or so later three of Taylor’s friends from school arrived. We roasted hot dogs and made s’mores and I think they had a good time. Eventually the friends left and the four of us settled in for the night.

At that moment, with Katie in her bunk and Taylor on the couch and Todd and Sookie and I on the bed (yes, I said Sookie. Don’t judge.), I was perfectly content. Not just a little, not even just a lot, but totally and completely.

Day Three, Saturday:

Taylor had to get up early and drive back to school for work. Good thing he knows the way now. The rest of us had a fairly lazy morning. Well, Todd did have to go back into town to buy sweatpants. He only brought shorts. I would go on about how I told him multiple times in the last week that it was going to be deliciously chilly this weekend and how yesterday he said he saw my lips moving but he never listened to what I was saying, but that would be rude and cast him in a bad light. And he’s already got the directionally challenged thing going against him so I’ll be a good wife and not harp.

And now I’m going to go outside and cook up the two pounds of bacon I brought to have with breakfast yesterday and today, but will be eating on BLTs and possibly burgers tonight instead.

So until the next time…

I’m back. I cooked two pounds of bacon in an electric griddle on the picnic table outside. I’ve decided bacon should always be cooked outside. Just saying’. Taylor showed up just as I was finishing my classic BLT and asked if that was his. I love him and I’m a good mom, but I’m not THAT good of a mom. He had to make his own.

The four of us watched RV – which never, EVER gets old – and then Todd grilled hamburgers. After dinner we played Bookopoly, a book version of Monopoly. I despise that game. Really a lot. But that’s what the kids wanted to play so fine. I’m kind of a good mom so that’s what we played. I don’t think it’s fair that nobody ever wants to play Scrabble. But do I whine about it? No.

Not a lot, anyway.

Maybe a little.

Anyway, Katie and I are much too ethical and not shrewd at all so we decided to consolidate our efforts and STILL ended up in the poor house. Todd and Taylor, on the other hand, concern me a little. Smarmy wheeler dealers, if you ask me. Sure, they both ended up with bank loads of money, but are they really happy? At least Katie and I know what’s important.

Taylor left to go down the mountain in the rain at about 10:30 last night. The mom in me hated – HATED – the fact we didn’t have phone coverage and he wouldn’t be able to call me when he got home. Does that ever end? I think prolly not. *sigh*

Todd turned the heater on last night and we think the clinks and clanks messed with Sookie’s delicate sensibilities because she was shaky and whiney and generally annoying. Seeing as how Todd was going to have to drive home through 15 miles of switchbacks or so pulling a 30 foot trailer, I felt he should probably get some sleep. So I mostly dealt with the dog, though her scratching and woofing still woke up Todd.

Which leads me to…

Day Four, Sunday

Our plan was to get an earlier start for our trip home than we managed on the way down. We figured we’d get up around 7:30 or so, secure stuff, hook up and get on the road around 9:00. Once again we got on the road around 10:30. The difference this time was that we managed the trip in 6½ hours as opposed to 8.

I did have a text from Taylor waiting for me when we finally got to where there was service. That and 80+ emails.

Now we’re home and everybody is comfortable, especially the dog. She’s sound asleep. Because, you know, keeping people up all night is exhausting business.

No More Camp

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Taylor left for his sophomore year of college last week. I was happy to see him go.

Psych! I wasn’t happy to see him go, though I was much better about it than I was last year. If you’ll recall, last year I told everybody he was going to camp. That seemed so much more… I don’t know. Temporary?

The growing he did during his first year of school was amazing. Don’t get me wrong. He’s still my little boy, but I’m thoroughly enjoying the man he’s turning into. Except for when he keeps forgetting to clean the bathroom or wash the dishes or whatever it is that I’ve asked him to do. That I’m not so keen on. But the overall guy is pretty cool.

This stage of parenting is just weird. I can’t think of another word for it. I’m sure those of you who have older kids know exactly what I’m talking about. He’s still not an adult, but he’s not a child, either. He had nine months on his own and then when he comes home he’s still that independent 19-year-old, and yet our rules and expectations haven’t changed all that much. The rules may have loosened a little, but the expectations have actually increased. After all, he’s nearly a grown up.

So then I find myself in that same place I’ve been in the last few years. I miss my little kiddos. A lot. And yet I love my big kiddos. A lot! I’m so thankful for the relationship I have with both Taylor and Katie and wouldn’t trade that for the world. Do they exasperate me? Sometimes on an epic scale. Do I exasperate them? Surely not!

And now Todd and I are starting to see a life without children in our near future (relatively speaking, of course). That infamous empty nest stage is knocking on our door and is met with a mixture of sadness and excitement. For 19 years everything we’ve done has been dependent on our kids, which is how it should be, but we’re starting to get away from that. And I kind of like it!

But then I look at pictures like these and I realize just how much I miss that part of our lives.

I have thoroughly enjoyed every stage (except for the parts I have erased from my memory) and I figure this next stage is going to be just as good, only different.

And no, I’m not counting the days until the first college break. Weeks, yes. Days, no.

Thankfulness – Day Twenty

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In just a few hours we’re going to pick up Taylor at the train station, which is what I’m most thankful for today! After that we’re going to dinner for my birthday and then home to watch a movie (probably Iron Man 2). It may sound pretty boring to some, but it sounds a lot like heaven to me. The last time we were all in the same room doing nothing together was three months ago.

My guess is that Taylor will fall asleep on the couch because it has been a pretty long day for him, but that’s okay. All my chickies are going to be in my nest and I’m going to be one deliriously happy hen!  My heart is nigh to bursting right now and I am one thankful girl!

The Delusion That Was Camp Lynchburg

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Another overdue post. So what else is new? 

The whole Camp Lynchburg thing is over. I can’t pretend anymore. My baby boy, my first born, my male heir is in college. But I’m okay with it. I guess the camp delusion eased me into the truth. 

Hannah, Taylor and Katie

 

My Scruffy Taylor

 

While Todd and Taylor were in class, this is what Hannah and Katie and I did: 

Katie being silly (but cute)

 

Hannah playing along quite nicely, don't you think?

 

There was the most fabulous old building on the riverfront with these awesome red doors!! I could have spent hours in that section of Lynchburg – just me and Precious, taking pictures of anything we wanted to. 

Other weekend activities included dinner at Cracker Barrel complete with a game of checkers between the siblings on the front porch; a football game for the boys and browsing Pier 1 and Bed, Bath and Beyond for the girls; Starbucks; Cold Stone Creamery; the mall; a movie; good old Southern BBQ; the college book store; and a last hurrah at IHOP before we took Taylor back to his dorm and hit the road to come home. We were going to go to the campus church service, but didn’t want to subject Hannah to that many people in a small, confined place (low white count) so we went to breakfast instead. 

It was so great to see him. Really, really great, scruffiness and all. He gets to come home for a few days next week for their fall break. He hadn’t originally planned on coming home for the long weekend, but then he found out the college will be completely closed. I’m glad he gets to come home, especially because Katie’s voice recital will be the Saturday he’s here. There is a fly in the ointment, however. I won’t be here to see him. 

Yes. That’s what I said. I won’t be here to see him. I’ll be in the Land of Enchantment, visiting my parents and my sister and her family. My other sister is going to be there for part of the time, too. It’s always fun when we’re all together so I’m really looking forward to it. Except the sisters usually gang up on me and pick on me just because I’m the baby. But that’s okay. I think I can take them. And if they try to leave a comment here saying that I’m full of balony and I deserve what I get, don’t believe them. (They lie) 

Anyway, I’m sad I’ll miss my boy, but I’m excited about my visit so it’s okay. I’ll catch him next month for Thanksgiving.

An Island Called Long*

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*Thank you to Dan R. for the title

This past weekend Todd and I took off for a much needed get away on Long Island. It was the first time we’ve ever left the kids home alone and I feel it was a success because: a) they didn’t kill or even maim each other; b) police and/or other emergency personnel services were never required; c) there were no arrests; d) the dog was still here and didn’t appear to have suffered any; and e) the house looked much the same as it did when we left.

Our adventure started on Thursday, and I don’t use the term “adventure” loosely. I’ve been to New York City several times since moving here four years ago and every time I’m there I declare I will NEVER drive in Manhattan. Well, guess what I did Thursday. I drove in Manhattan. From the Holland Tunnel, through Tribeca and China Town, and over the Williamsburg Bridge. I’ve driven in Los Angeles. I’ve driven in Dallas. I’ve driven in Philadelphia. Picnics, all, compared to the Big Apple. I would like to declare I will never drive in Manhattan EVER AGAIN. I just hope I really mean it this time.

Do you know what made driving in NYC worth it? After Todd and I got settled in the hotel we went down the street to TGIFriday’s for an early dinner and I got carded! Oh yes I did! Todd even took a picture of the waiter looking at my ID, but it came out all fuzzy. So what if they have to card anyone who looks like they may possibly be younger than 75? There’s just something about hearing those words, “May I please see some ID?” that thrills.

I kept telling people we were going to the Hamptons because it just sounds so chic. In reality we were just going to Long Island, but we did drive through the Hamptons on Friday. There is a two lane road that runs through the Hamptons to the tip of the South Fork where the Montauk lighthouse is. It took us a good two hours to go the 43 miles. I can say in all honesty that it was a beautiful drive and the weather couldn’t have been any better. We stopped in the town of Montauk for a bite of lunch – the best fish and chips I’ve ever had, hands down.


And a good thing, too. For two orders of fish and chips, an iced tea and a beer we paid $55.00. While I’m sure the fish basically jumped from the ocean and into the fryer, I’m not sure that’s a reasonable amount. Not only that, but I didn’t even get carded!

After the gigging we took lunch we finished the drive to Montauk Point and the oldest lighthouse in the state of New York. I, of course, had Precious with me so there are pictures:




There were no sightings, and, therefore, no pictures, of a Montauk Monster. (Sorry Becky) But here’s a photo I found on the internet to appease the curiousity of those who don’t know what the Montauk Monster is.

From there we drove to Sag Harbor:









And then a pretty drive back to the hotel where we feasted on cheese and crackers (because we had spent our daily allowance on fish and chips) and watched free HBO.

Saturday was another gorgeous day and this time we drove up the North Fork to Orient Point and then slowly worked our way back. In a welcomed change from Friday, the traffic was minimal. Our goal had been to find lighthouses and maybe go through a winery. We saw one lighthouse in the distance and never decided on a winery to tour. But we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves nonetheless.

I know. I’ll just show you some pictures.

We stopped in at this lavender farm and bought…



…lavender! Ahhhh, heaven!

Here we were in wine country and did we get any wine? No. I’m sure our wine clubbies (Or is that clubbists? Clubbers?) will be very disappointed with us.


The same Dan R. who inadvertently gave me the title of this post texted me and told me about Greenport. Happy I am that he did!



This, my friends, is a camera. Not nearly as convenient as Precious, that’s for sure.


The Frisky Oyster. What does a frisky oyster look like, I wonder.



We were going to eat in Greenport, but the wait was horrendous. Apparently everybody wanted to hang out in the quaint village on a perfect Saturday afternoon. So we got back in the car and just decided we’d stop wherever we stopped.

Linen tablecloths, a beautiful view, a delicious seafood meal, a decadent dessert – all for less than fish and chips in the Hamptons.

As we made our way back to the hotel we found a place to sit and be mesmerized by the beautiful ocean -

- and we also found LOVE, which is kind of the point of a weekend getaway, isn’t it?

Not A Kid Anymore

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Somewhere around 9:00 AM Central this morning, Taylor turned 18. Technically, according to the law, he’s now an adult. He can vote, he can join the military, he can go to an X-rated movie, he can buy cigars… all because he’s 18.

Well Law, I hate to break it to you, but he’s still my little boy. Always will be. Makes no never mind that he’s taller and stronger than I am.

So Happy Birthday, my handsome little man. I love you.

*Addendum – Taylor did, in fact, buy a cigar this evening and was not happy the clerk didn’t card him. He went out back to smoke it and I followed with my camera. We sat in the Adirondack chairs and he gave me a hit of the stogie. Yup. Me and my boy sharing a cigar. Strange…