Thursday after our dinner in town was another relaxing evening and Friday we came home.

The End.

When last I typed we were sitting in Starbuck’s and contemplating another try at the park we couldn’t find to see waterfalls. We found our way to the park. It was the same one we’d stopped at, but maintenance crews were in front of the trail entrance so we didn’t see it. That and the trail entrance was not marked well at all.

I won’t bore you with all the details. Just most of them. I’m hoping the pictures will complete the image of the incredibly steep grassy hill we had to climb just to get to the trail. Oh.My.Gosh! I felt like a billy goat and I’m pretty sure I bleated a few times.

Nope. The picture doesn’t do the climb justice. It just looks pretty. But it wasn’t.

Thankfully we both had really good hiking boots on.

Once on the trail we made our way up to the first lookout so I could get a picture of a waterfall.

Do you see it?

Yeah. Me either. Well, maybe a little bit.

It was pretty disappointing. But we endeavored to persevere and hiked on up to the next lookout. I really liked this lookout because: A) there were chairs; and B) there were benches.

Okay. I realize there is not a picture of the benches, but I was actually sitting on a bench when I took the second photograph so it’s kind of the same thing.

There was also a waterfall.

If it wasn’t for all the nature around in the form of trees we would have been able to see it much better. But it was still better than the first one. So my “view a waterfall” criteria was fulfilled.

Did we turn around and go back? Of course not! We still had some geocaching to do. This geocaching is a dangerous business. We had to break the rules and walk past the “Park Boundaries” signs. But that’s how Todd and I roll. We’re rebels that way.

We looked and looked and looked some more with no luck. So we headed back to the trail, but on a whim Todd thought to look one more place and voila! There it was.

Thankfully the car was parked downhill. At one point I told Todd we should just roll down the grass like when we were kids and he kindly offered to hold my camera, but I decided I’m too dignified and mature to do that. By the time we climbed into Raven (that’s the name Katie has given her) we were hungry so we drove down to Naples for something meaty like a cheeseburger or steak! We ended up eating nachos at the cabin. And they were delicious!

At the beginning of the week the weather people said today would be rainy. It was not. Windy, yes. Rainy, no. So after several rounds of Rummikub on Todd’s iPad, a game that I am NOT addicted to, we decided to head back up to the north end of the lake and hit a few more geocaching spots on the way. So we did. And we found two more. Even better than the two geocaches we found was the restaurant that served mozzarella sticks and cheeseburgers after.

And this abruptly ends our third installment of the Anniversary Trip

I’m currently writing from Starbucks in Canandaiga. It has wifi. We needed a fix. That and some Starbucks goodness.

So we didn’t hit any antique stores yesterday. Oh, we saw them. They’re everywhere. It was overwhelming. I felt like a kid at Disneyland with no E tickets. Which won’t make a lick of sense to a lot of people, but trust me when I say it’s not a good thing.

You see, it’s like this. There is a particular item I am looking for. It’s not a small, put-it-in-a-bag item. But it’s not a huge, we-need-a-moving-truck item either. I’m looking for a washstand or a small cabinet to use as a vanity in our powder room. Our new car is significantly smaller than the old car and I realized, much to my dismay, that even a small cabinet or washstand won’t fit in the car with everything else we brought with us. So why even look? What if I found the perfect washstand? What then? I have a budget and even if it was within the budget, the shipping would probably bust it.

Todd thought he had escaped unscathed. Antique shopping isn’t anywhere on his list of top 5,000 things to do.  But he only dodged the bullet this trip. Pennsylvania has no lack of antique stores either… (this is the part where I laugh maniacally, but I don’t know how to write that.)

Yesterday was rainy and we had a very lazy morning. We finally got out and drove up Canandaiga lake and found our way to The Muar House Cafe and a delicious lunch.

It was rather windy and cold and, frankly, a beautiful day for pictures. So I got some.

We also went to Wal-Mart. Yes. You read that right. We came to upstate New York so we could go to Wal-Mart. Actually, we needed some groceries and a particular computer cable and we thought we could kill both those birds with one Super Center stone. We got the groceries, but no cable.

And then we stopped in here. What we’ve come to think of as “Our” Starbuck’s. We needed the wifi to download a couple books on my Kindle and to look up some information. Todd also wanted to download a couple carving videos.

After our adventures in town we headed back to the cabin. It was cold! But a lovely cold. The kind of cold that requires flannel pants, a hot drink and a cozy fire. So that’s what we did.

This morning we woke up when we woke up to a beautiful blue sky with only a tiny smattering of white clouds here and there. We decided to go find some waterfalls for my camera and found this overlook with a great view of the beautiful blue lake on our way.

It was also a geocaching cite so we did a little investigating and found this:

The coin is a marker that the particular geocacher (Medicine Man) puts in all his finds. He’s a pharmacist and avid Lord of the Rings fan. The writing on the back of the coin – or maybe the front – is in Elvish. (How does one know which is the front and which is the back of a coin?)

After our little interlude at the overlook we carried on. We had taken the map we found in the cabin, but it’s one of those exaggerated cartoony maps and we couldn’t find the park we were looking for. So we just kept going and made our way back to Wal-Mart. Because we really like Wal-Mart. And because Todd bought two pair of shorts yesterday but when he took them out of the bag at the cabin he realized they were extremely large and not at all the size indicated on the hangers. So he ran in to exchange them and then we ended up here at our Starbuck’s.

Taking advantage of wifi, I was able to see where we went wrong with the directions to the park with the 1.2 walking trail and three waterfalls. It’s now 3:30 and who knows what we’ll do. Maybe we’ll go back or maybe we won’t.

[Written Tuesday, April 16]

Todd and I are off celebrating our 25th anniversary. Technically we won’t be married for a quarter of a century until June, but June is full of things like Katie’s graduation and college orientation and a visit from Todd’s parents and the like. Try as we may, we just couldn’t figure out a good time to go away in June.

For a long time we talked about going to Scotland for our 25th anniversary, but our 25th anniversary year is full of things like Katie’s graduation and college orientation and a visit from Todd’s parents and the like. So we did the next best thing. We took a trip to the Fingerlakes region of New York. It’s actually kind of like Scotland. It’s hilly and mountainous and green with a creek and right now it’s raining. When I think of Scotland I think of hilly and mountainous and green with a creek. And rain. So yeah. It’s just like we’re there. Except people drive on the right hand side of the road here.

As I type this I’m sitting in a screened enclosure that overlooks the green going down to a rather boisterous brook called Trout Run. A tree covered hill slopes up from the other side of the creek and there’s a trail that leads back into the woods. It’s overcast and cool and rainy and peaceful and beautiful and refreshing. I love the sound of the wind in the trees and the fall of a gentle rain. And the smell? Fughettaboudit. Like heaven in a spray can, especially when you throw in the scent of coffee wafting from the cup on the table next to me.

Todd is taking his first nap of the day on the comfy sofa next to the cozy fireplace while Jack Johnson is playing on his computer. I think I may finish this up and go curl up in the overstuffed chair for my first nap of the day.

I am enchanted.

Another great thing about this week and where we are is that we have no cell phone service and no internet connection. I had already determined to turn off the wi-fi mode on my computer, but now I can’t be tempted to check out Facebook for a “few minutes”.

The drive up here was gorgeous and it was a beautiful day for a road trip. And you know me. I love me a good road trip! I always find it interesting when traveling either north or south this time of year to see the difference in the vegetation. Trees were in bloom in Virginia last week when Todd and I went to see Taylor, but not so in Pennsylvania. This last week things just seemed to pop open, but the farther north we drove yesterday the less in the way of blooms we saw. It will be interesting to see how that has changed when we leave on Friday.

Our plan for these five days is a lot of nothing. It’s supposed to rain most of the time we’re here and that’s okay. Yesterday we were able to take a nice little hike through the woods across the creek and I got tons of pictures. We need to get to the grocery store at some point today and I’m hoping to hit an antique shop or two in the process. I figure a rainy day is as good as any to look at old furniture.

As of right now, tomorrow is supposed to be sunny so we hope to get some geocaching in and see some waterfalls. Thursday is another day of rain and thunderstorms so we’ll just hang out here at the cabin with a warm fire going all day and Friday we’ll head for home.

Of course, by the time you read this we will already be home. I’m just not keen on advertising that we’re going to be gone for a week while Katie is home alone. That and I can’t post anything from a place with no wi-fi.

So you’ll just have to check back tomorrow to see if things actually went as planned…

Today was Katie’s spring recital – one of my favorite events of the season. I took pictures for the academy’s website and tried hard not to sing out loud along with the vocalists. What a bunch of talent!

Anyway, Katie sang Still Hurting from The Last Five Years. Do you know it? I didn’t. Oh.My.Gosh. It’s a heart wrenching song and she delivered it with so much emotion that it hit me like a Mack truck. For a minute I thought my lens wasn’t focusing because everything was so blurry, but then I realized it was just my eyes.  Not only that, but tears were streaming down my cheeks. Streaming! I didn’t want to wipe them for fear she would see that movement from the corner of her eye and it would trip her up. That and I didn’t want anyone else to know I was losing it. Because, you know, I have a reputation to maintain.

Todd didn’t fare any better.

What’s wrong with me? Where’s the soulless ice queen? Dang. The hard shell of my heart has been breached. I’m going to have to do something about that before her graduation in June and college in the fall.

After our conversation I decided to look at the Lynchburg College Event Calendar, just to see if there was some fun filled family weekend coming up. I had barely begun to scroll through the list of events when the name “Taylor Thompson” jumped out at me.

Day: Monday, April 1, 2013

Time: 12 p.m.

Where: Memorial Ballroom

Event Details: Taylor Thompson ’14 and Laura Dupuy, Director of Lynchburg Neighborhood Development Corporation, will talk on “Homelessness in Lynchburg.”

So after more texting, phone calls and cashing in Hilton points, Todd and I had our plan to go watch Taylor. Sadly, Katie’s a senior and classes are “important” and she “can’t afford” to miss any. “Whatever.”

To say our Easter was different from any other would be an understatement. Todd and Katie and I went to first service, after which Todd came home and Katie went her way to serve and I went my way. Since it was such a last minute plan I didn’t have a replacement so I was there until 1:45. Todd picked me up with Wawa sandwiches for lunch and we said goodbye to Katie and then ditched her for Easter. (I realize my parenting skills and the status of my motherly soul have been suspect for a long time, but she did have Easter dinner with her best friend so she wasn’t completely alone.)

We pulled into Lynchburg around 8 and went straight to Taylor’s house. Todd had never been there so he got the grand tour while I pretended to be all cool and hip with the other students that were there, though I’m pretty sure my use of “cool” and “hip” gave me away. While there his girlfriend, Shelby, told us that she was defending her thesis on Monday afternoon if we wanted to come watch and we said, “YES!”

We were meeting Shelby in front of the college ballroom at 11:45 on Monday morning so we had some time to just do our thing. We breakfasted at Chick-Fil-A and then went to the shopping center across the street and I bought new shoes. While at breakfast Todd asked, “Why do you need new shoes? The shoes you’re wearing look fine.” Because he’s a man and really doesn’t know any better I was very patient with him and explained how my shoes were fall/winter-type shoes and I needed some spring shoes. That seemed to appease him, though I’m not sure he really got it. I find very few men understand the whole shoe thing. I’m not sure I really understand the whole shoe thing. I just know it as a primal need.

But I digress. After I changed into a new pair of shoes (I bought two pair because it was buy one, buy one half price and I know a good marketing ploy deal when I see one) we headed over to the college. Since I have a new car I don’t have my “Lynchburg Mom” decal anymore so we went straight to the bookstore. I bought a new decal and a package of band aids because the new shoes were rubbing on my heal the way new shoes are sometimes wont to do. Todd bought a new Lynchburg insulated tumbler and I think that’s all we got. That time.

Then it was time to go watch my boy do his thing. One word: Surreal. There was a man and a woman who were talking to a room of about 200 college seniors and faculty about poverty, except the man was my son. My child. I was struck with so many thoughts as I watched him up there.

He appears so confident.

He only said “um” once.

He knows his subject matter well.

He’s really passionate about his subject matter.

He works very well with Laura (the other speaker and a mentor of his).

He doesn’t look like a little boy.

I’m so proud right now I might burst.

I have to hold it together so I don’t cause a scene and ruin everything.

Don’t you dare stand up and yell, “That’s my baby!”

Maybe I should have bought those khaki flats instead of the gray.

Well… some of those thoughts might be creative license for entertainment purposes, but you get the idea.

The presentation was part of Senior Symposium. Instead of trying to tell you what Senior Symposium is and getting it completely wrong, here’s the blurb from the college’s website:

The Senior Symposium is an academic tradition at LC that brings significant texts, questions, and ideas to bear on various contemporary issues. Students meet weekly to listen to a public lecture, then participate in small group discussions.

It’s not often that a student is a speaker so the fact that Taylor was is huge. At least to me, it is.  I’m not entirely certain – and I should probably get my facts straight before I put these words on the internet because, you know, if it’s on the internet then it’s true – but I believe Laura was asked to present and she asked Taylor to co-present because of the work he has done with her.

After the lecture the speakers are invited into the inner sanctum – that place that only faculty and distinguished guests are allowed – for lunch. Todd and I were going to go do our thing and then meet up with Taylor later to watch Shelby’s presentation, but we were graciously invited to join the lunch festivities. We then went back to Taylor’s house for a little while until it was time to go back and watch Shelby.

Her thesis was based on her work for a summer reading program with mostly underprivileged children. It was a very interesting subject and she did a great job presenting the information. It was obvious she had done her work and knew her facts as she was able to answer the questions afterwards with ease and received high honors for her defense. Getting to be there for it was an added bonus to our quick trip!

The rest of the day was just fun. We took Shelby to her house so she could change and look what she had.

I think she said it was a 12 pound jar of Nutella. I think this picture should be framed and hung on a wall.

The kids took us for bubble tea smoothies. A bubble tea smoothie has tapioca pearls in it. I always thought tapioca pearls were small and white, but it turns out they are, in fact, big and black. The straws are rather large so as to accommodate said big and black tapioca pearls. So you’re drinking this smoothie and then all of a sudden you suck up this big pearl with the consistency of an almost gummy bear.

I feel as though I should think it’s terribly gross, but I liked it. In fact, I think I liked it a lot.

After that Todd and I were taken to the amazingly spectacular Givens Bookstore.

It was a little like Disneyland. After perusing used books, new books, antique books, classic toys and even educational curriculum, I finally bought Let’s Bring Back: the Lost  Language Edition – A collection of forgotten-yet-delightful words, phrases, praises, insults, idioms, and literary flourishes from eras past.

I thought it would be a great addition to my writing library. Now I’m not so sure. Turns out I already use a lot of these words and phrases in every day conversation. Though I did learn that “groovy” was a term for sardine (“Please pass the groovies and crackers.”) before it became a hippy thing.

When I decided everyone had indulged me in my Mecca for long enough we were given a tour of downtown Lynchburg by Taylor. I had my camera around my neck and got all twitchy as I watched the beautiful surroundings of church spires and amazing architecture and fascinating urban scenery go by. If I’d had my way it would have taken us until dark before we made it to the restaurant for dinner. So I made a note to myself – come back in May when you have a lot of time and people aren’t hungry.

Dinner was very enjoyable and we were able to discuss Taylor’s presentation more – I had all kinds of questions (and I like playing devil’s advocate). All four of us walked out of the restaurant stuffed. We dropped Taylor and Shelby off at his house and then drove back to the hotel. Only as we were getting out of the car did I realize we forgot to have him endorse his tax return check and sign a DMV thingy, so I drove back to the house, got his John Hancock, and then came back to the hotel.

Tuesday morning we got up, packed up, checked out, ate at Bob Evans and then hit the road. It was a fabulous spontaneous (and when I say “spontaneous” I mean it hadn’t been planned for months) trip down to see Taylor and Shelby. Next year Katie will be at school about two hours from him (Shelby graduates this year) so I imagine we’ll be taking many more trips down that way for another four years. That means four more years to take lots of pictures!

…Different Take

This past Wednesday was just another routine oncology appointment. Into the exam room walked a very dapper White Russian. I’ve only ever seen him in his white coat, but the other day he sported a yellow v-neck sweater, a navy and white checked shirt and a yellow tie with stripes in various shades of blue, all wrapped up in a natty tweed blazer. I commented on his Soviet swag, to which he replied he had lost weight and his coats were too big. He was waiting for his order of new coats to come in, but had gotten so many compliments that he was thinking of cancelling the order.

Once the fashion discussion was over we got down to business. And he started the real conversation with, “There was a study…”

I really hate those words. They usually don’t bode well for me. Which is ridiculous because the reason I and my mother and countless other cancer survivors are healthy and/or alive is because there was a study. But the last few times I was told there was a study it meant something I had been working for, something that was at my fingertips, something I was happily looking forward to was yanked from my grasp.

Here is the opening paragraph of a press release regarding this study from the San Antonio Symposium held in December:

SAN ANTONIO — Ten years of adjuvant treatment with Tamoxifen provided women with estrogen receptor-positive breast cancer greater protection against late recurrence and death from breast cancer compared with the current standard of five years of Tamoxifen, according to the international ATLAS (Adjuvant Tamoxifen — Longer Against Shorter) study.

You can read the whole press release HERE.

Basically it says that there was a decrease in recurrence and/or death rates in the second decade (10 to 14 years) after diagnosis for women with estrogen receptor positive cancer who remained on Tamoxifen for ten years instead of five years.

The White Russian went on to tell me that his daughter is a fellow at Sloan Kettering in New York and their team determined (as is also mentioned in the press release) that this practice should extend to all adjuvant hormone therapies, i.e., Arimidex.

I’m not sure if it was my expression (I am happy to report I was not about to burst into tears, however I bet there was a “you can’t make me” look on my face) or if he really wasn’t sure this was the right course for me, but we talked about it at length. When I told him I often wondered if my issues were side effects or just a matter of my age he told me that I’m too young to have these issues. He also said that quality of life is sometimes more important than reducing a recurrence by a couple of percentage points.

This is a great example of why I am so fond of this doctor. Where I tend to downplay my discomfort and fatigue and myriad other annoyances, he justified them as real and life-altering problems that I shouldn’t be forced to deal with if I don’t have to. Well, that and when he said I was “too young”. I liked that part, too.

So we came up with a plan. I am no longer on the Arimidex and we’ll revisit this in six months. I wasn’t even disappointed that I have to go back in six months again, even though this was supposed to be my last six month appointment. It takes about three months for the Arimidex to be completely removed from the body. Hopefully I will notice a difference in the second half of these six months. If so then I will not go back on the medication. If there is no change I will resume the Arimidex for another three years.

Not entirely what I was hoping for, but I’ll take it. Now I’m just praying there will be a change. Not because I don’t want to go back on the drug – if these problems aren’t drug related then it doesn’t really matter – but because I don’t want these problems.

Once we satisfactorily concluded that whole discussion we went on with the rest of the exam. Which consisted mostly of us talking about our children and college and degrees and the like. He was very exuberant about Katie’s choice of Music Therapy for a degree and field, which I found interesting. This medical doctor – a hard science, bio-chemical type medical doctor – is all atwitter about this up and coming field. To quote him, “It’s been around for a while, but just in the past few years there has been so much literature about its benefits. It’s a really great field.”

The rest of the appointment was pretty routine, including the run through Starbucks for the obligatory White Chocolate Mocha for the ride home in rush hour traffic. I didn’t really want the drink, but there was no choice. The car automatically turns out of the cancer center’s parking lot and drives straight to the ‘bux without any concern for my own will. Really. I was glad for it, too, because it took me forever to get home. Never, ever drive from the general direction of Philadelphia at 4:00pm during the work week. Ever.

***

The second unexpected twist in this chapter came the following day when I spoke to a genetic counselor on the phone to get Katie set up for genetic testing. After a fairly lengthy conversation she told me that I was the one who needed the testing since I was the one who had the cancer. This seemed so contradictory to everything I thought I had been told, but her explanation made perfect sense. If I test negative for the BRCA gene we will know my cancer was not genetic, which means there is no reason to test anybody else. If I test positive, however, then others in my family may wish to be tested as well, i.e., Katie, Taylor, my sisters, etc.

My thought (though obviously my thoughts are not to be trusted) is that this is not a genetic cancer. My mother’s breast cancer was protein positive/ hormone negative and mine was the exact opposite. Most likely if it was a genetic thing we would have had the same tumor make up. The counselor confirmed my thought process, though it’s still not a sure thing.

So in a week and a half I will be meeting with her at 8:00 in the morning -I should have asked if I could bring coffee because, well, you know. It’s me we’re talking about and 8:00 in the morning is early when you have to be clean and presentable. – to go over an in-depth family history and all the fine details about my cancer, my mom’s cancer, etc.

***

To close out this post I want to tell you about an event I went to the night after I wrote The Next Chapter. It was a community night of prayer for some of our local families. One family in particular is a preschool and church family and they were given a devastating blow this past September. Their third child, Eli, was diagnosed with Metachromatic Leukodystrophy (MLD) – a horrific degenerative disease with no cure. MLD is genetic and it was passed on to him by his unsuspecting parents. They then had the other three children tested and while the two older boys are carriers and don’t have the disease, their preschooler, Ella, does have the disease.

As I sat there listening to their mother, Becky, I thought how petty my gripes of the previous day had been. I would take Arimidex, or chemotherapy, or anything every day of my life if it meant my children wouldn’t have to suffer. The heartaches I have been through have no comparison to what this family has been through and will continue to endure. But what faith and strength Becky has. You can read about it at her blog, Fear Not. 

***

As for this chapter, maybe I should stop trying to figure it out before I’ve finished reading it and just let God do his thing.

And now the first installment of

The Couch:

I should be at work right now, but I’m not. Instead I’m sitting on the aforementioned couch in yoga pants and a sweatshirt wishing I was at work because that would mean I felt better. I’m not violently ill or anything like that, but I think I might be trying to divert a bout of diverticulitis. (Do you see what I did there? “Divert” and “Diverticulitis” in the same sentence. Clever, no?) It’s either that or last night’s Chinese was a bad decision. Either way my tummy is restless, my jeans are too tight and nobody wants to be around me. Please don’t ask me to explain that last sentence because I won’t.

Beyond:

Local:

I read an article this morning about a 27-year-old woman who is suing Lehigh University for 1.3 million dollars because she received a C+ in 2009. Apparently she needed a B in this particular fieldwork class to qualify for another round of fieldwork, a requirement to obtain a master’s in counseling and human services. She is seeking damages for the loss of income she would have received over the course of her career had she been able to go on to be a state-certified counselor. The defense claims her behavior in class was not appropriate for someone seeking a counseling degree and cited her use of profanity and an episode of crying in the class.

The Link:

You can read the full article HERE

My Take:

I wouldn’t want her to be my counselor. Ever.

Your thoughts?

Global:

In Tel Aviv a girl’s car was towed from the spot in front of her apartment that she had been parking in for over six months. When she came out to get in her car it was gone and a marked handicap spot was in its place. Turns out there was a video camera across the street that caught the whole sordid event on tape. The city marked the spot WHILE HER CAR WAS STILL PARKED and then called a tow truck to have the car removed.

The Link:

You can watch the video HERE

My Take:

That’s craziness!

Your thoughts?

Gratuitous Grin:

When a family dining out received their bill, they were surprised to see a discount for well behaved children.

The Link:

You can read the article HERE

My Take:

Excluding the parents of special needs children, there are two types of parents who take their children to nice restaurants. Parents who require a certain behavior and parents who don’t. It’s easy to find articles about misbehaving children, but it’s really nice to read something about good kids.

Your thoughts?

Thank you for joining me for the first riveting episode of News from the Couch and Beyond. Check back often (and by ”often” I mean in the next month or two) for the next fascinating installment. 

I am staring at a new chapter of the cancer chronicles. It’s not a bad chapter, precisely, but it has me feeling a little uncomfortable. Or maybe restless. Or maybe I just don’t know what it is I’m feeling.

Next week I see my oncologist for my last biannual appointment. That is a great thing. I am nearly 8 years out from diagnosis and over 7 years since my first No Evidence of Disease report. That is a survivor’s dream.

There are only a few days left of my Arimidex and I won’t be refilling the prescription. Two years of Tamoxifen followed by five years of Arimidex and I’m finally done. The original plan was to be on post-chemo drugs for a total of five years, but somewhere around year four a study indicated that it was best to stay on the Arimidex for five years regardless of how long Tamoxifen had been taken. That was a huge disappointment at the time (worthy of a few tears), but the extra two years are done and I can finally stop the Arimidex.

Earlier this evening I was reading stories from women who had gotten off the Arimidex and how their lives were improved. More energy, weight loss, decreased stiffness and pain, slight reversal of some menopausal symptoms… all things that I deal with to some extent.  I want to be excited about the prospect of a better quality of life, but I’m afraid to. I am 47, after all. I’m not supposed to have as much energy, weight loss is supposed to be more difficult, stiffness and pain are just a part of growing older and menopausal symptoms are what you get when you’ve had your ovaries removed, right?

So what if I don’t notice any difference in any of those areas after I stop the medication? What if all my “symptoms” are just a result of my age?  I can tell you right now that if there is no improvement I will be just short of devastated. And incredibly furious. Again. The injustice of cancer has a way of causing righteous anger even still.

I was talking with two of my co-workers today and I told them that I don’t want to be a “new” me. I just want to be the old me. The me that I was at 39. Or more specifically, the me that I would be today if I hadn’t been derailed by the monster. Of course, I have no idea what that me would be. I just know it wouldn’t be the me I am. But maybe I’ll be much closer to that me after I stop the Arimidex. I guess time will tell.

There’s more to this chapter than this, though, and it goes beyond my own personal battle. This afternoon I started the process to get Katie genetically tested. When she was about 13 my oncologist told me that I would want her to be screened when she was 18 because some of her life choices would depend on whether or not she was genetically disposed to breast cancer. At the time 18 seemed so far away.

It hurts my heart that I’ve done this to her and Taylor. We don’t even know if this is genetic, but just the fact that Katie (and possibly Taylor) has to go through the testing is more than I think either of them should have to go through. I feel responsible and guilty and I’ve never been one to feel guilt over much of anything.  But this? I want to heap burning coals upon my head. Even though I know it’s not my fault. And yet…

I know I’ve said this time and time again over the past 7 years, but I really thought once I was through with treatment and reconstruction everything would be normal again. What I have found is that cancer has a ripple effect and I will never be completely free from it.  And sometimes that’s exhausting.

But then I remind myself that I don’t have cancer and I am healthy, quirky aging and/or side-effects aside. Even more important is that my children don’t have cancer and they are healthy. I have a husband who adores me, kids who love me, great family and friends and I am happy.

So next week I’ll go see the White Russian and he’ll say how great I’m doing and he’ll send me for a dexascan to see where my osteopenia is (that will hopefully eventually be reversed since I’m stopping the Arimidex) and then he’ll tell me that I don’t need to come back for another year (which will make me happy and sad all at the same time). And sometime soon Katie will go get tested to see if she has the BRCA gene (which I don’t think she does) and she can then make the educated choices that a young woman needs to make.

And then I can move on to the next chapter.

• Calvin Coolidge was president.
• Two days after his birth Ty Cobb and Tris Speaker, two of the greatest outfielders in American baseball history, were both exonerated of charges of wrongdoing by Commissioner Landis. Both had been accused, by Dutch Leonard, of conspiracy to throw a game in 1919.
• Babe Ruth became the highest paid baseball player at $70,000 a year in March. IN 1927!
• April saw The Great Mississippi Flood of 1927 which affected 700,000 people in the greatest national disaster in US history
• In May Charles Lindbergh flies The Spirit of St. Louis across the Atlantic nonstop and solo, direct from New York City to Paris, as the first solo transatlantic flight.
• That same month an earthquake measuring 8.6 on Richter scale strikes Xining, China killing 200,000
• Work begins on Mount Rushmore in October.
• In November the first underwater twin tube tunnel – The Holland Tunnel – opens between New Jersey and New York.
• December sees the opening of Duke Ellington’s Cotton Club in Harlem and the first broadcast from the Grand Ole Opry.
• Shortly thereafter Leon Trotsky is expelled from the Communist Party and Josef Stalin takes control.

 TECHNOLOGY:

• First transatlantic telephone call – New York City to London.
• Ford Motor Company ceases manufacturing Ford Model Ts after making 15 million cars and begins selling the Model A with several body styles. Prices start from $460.
• Pan American Airways is formed.

INVENTIONS:

• Color Television by John Logie Baird in Scotland
• Talking Pictures – USA
• Videophone – USA
• Pop Up Toaster by Charles Strite
• Quartz Time keeping Hans Wilsdorf from England (in Switzerland)

POP CULTURE:

• The Jazz Singer opens October 6th and becomes a huge success, marking the end of the silent film era.
• Ain’t She Sweet
• Blue Skies Irving Berlin

THE COST OF THINGS:

• A child’s toy steam engine which was a 20′s children’s toy
  Toy Steam Engine $3.98
• Not everybody had electricity so these hand cranked washing machines were still sold
  Manual Washing Machine $15.95
• For city dwellers who had electricity an Electric Washing Machine
  Electric Washing Machine $79.00
• Other Camera’s were available but the box brownie was still popular
  Kodak Box Brownie Camera $2.29
• The astounding thing about this Radio was the price (about $1,000 in today’s money)
  Radio Receiver $74.95
• 20′s Ranges were not only used for cooking but a form of heating so were left on all day
  Wood Fired Kitchen Range $69.85

1927 IMAGES:

My how times have changed. The one thing that hasn’t changed (in the last 46 years, anyway) is that he’s still my very favorite dad ever!

Happy Birthday, Daddy!!