Jenster's Musings

Reading and Such

Jenster — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 23:22:13 +0000

I’ve read two stellar books in the last week and I just had to share! Funny enough, both carry the theme of unimaginably oppressed women, however, they are nothing alike.

The first book I read was “Pope Joan” by Donna Woolfolk Cross and was fascinating. Here’s a synopsis:

For a thousand years, her existence has been denied. She is the legend that will not die–Pope Joan, a controversial figure of historical record who, disguised as a man, rose to rule Christianity in the 9th century as the first and only woman to sit on the throne of St. Peter. In this riveting novel, Donna Woolfolk Cross paints a sweeping portrait of a heroine whose strength of vision led her to defy the social restrictions of her day.

Brilliant and talented, young Joan rebels against medieval laws forbidding women to learn. When her older brother is brutally killed during a Viking attack, Joan takes up his identity and enters the monastery of Fulda, where she is initiated into the brotherhood in his place. As Brother John Anglicus, Joan distinguishes herself as a great scholar and healer. Eventually she is drawn to Rome, where she becomes enmeshed in a dangerous web of love, passion, and politics. Triumphing over appalling odds, she finally attains the highest throne in Christendom, wielding a power greater than any woman before or since.

But such power always comes at a price…

Pope Joan is a sweeping historical drama set against the turbulent events of the 9th century — the Saracen sack of St. Peter’s, the famous fire in the Borgo that destroyed over three-quarters of the Vatican, the Battle of Fontenoy, arguably the bloodiest and most terrible of medieval conflicts. This masterwork of suspense and passion brings the Dark Ages to life in all their brutal splendor and shares the dramatic story of an unforgettable woman who struggles against restrictions her soul cannot accept.

They made a movie of it in 2009 and yesterday after church I decided to see if I could find it on On Demand. Guess what! I did!! In fact, it was getting ready to come on so I hit record. I thought it was kind of funny that they were showing it twice, back to back.

Later in the day Todd and I decided to watch it. The movie did a great job of sticking close to the book. I mean, there were some changes here and there, but overall it was very good. Except…

… it was actually a two part movie and I only taped the first half. NOOOooo… So we checked the menu again and found out it will be shown again in March. IN MARCH! Poor Todd. At least I know how it ends. But he has to wait two more weeks to find out.

The second book I read this past week was A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. And when I say “this past week” what I really mean is today. I started it this morning. I finished it this afternoon. It was a glorious Monday holiday. The synopsis:

A Thousand Splendid Suns is a breathtaking story set against the volatile events of Afghanistan’s last thirty years—from the Soviet invasion to the reign of the Taliban to the post-Taliban rebuilding—that puts the violence, fear, hope, and faith of this country in intimate, human terms. It is a tale of two generations of characters brought jarringly together by the tragic sweep of war, where personal lives—the struggle to survive, raise a family, find happiness—are inextricable from the history playing out around them.

Propelled by the same storytelling instinct that made The Kite Runner a beloved classic, A Thousand Splendid Suns is at once a remarkable chronicle of three decades of Afghan history and a deeply moving account of family and friendship. It is a striking, heart-wrenching novel of an unforgiving time, an unlikely friendship, and an indestructible love—a stunning accomplishment.

I find it very interesting that these two books, set over a thousand years apart and in such different cultures, were remarkably similar. Women regarded as worthless, especially if they could not conceive a son. Women considered unnatural and heretical if they could think for themselves. Religion twisted and used as ammunition against the fairer sex. Both books raised my ire at the injustice of it all and tugged at my heartstrings for these poor victims of their culture and era.

I think I need a fluffy, mindless romance now…

I’ve Got Something To Say

Jenster — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 03:49:50 +0000

I hate rocking the boat. I just want everybody to get along. There are some people who thrive on arguing but I’m definitely not one of them. I like serene, not confrontational. But sometimes I just can’t keep my mouth shut. I try. Oh boy do I try. I slap both hands over my mouth and tightly squeeze my eyes shut and try to avert the bomb that’s getting ready to disengage.

This whole Susan G. Komen/Planned Parenthood debacle is one of those times. I’ve stayed quiet (mostly) but the myriad of comments I have read these last few days have distressed me to the point that I cannot remain silent any longer.

There has been so much vitriol spewed by both sides of the fight that the important stuff has gotten lost. If you are pro-choice you can’t begin to understand someone who is pro-life. If you are pro-life you can’t fathom why someone thinks that abortion is okay. And this has clouded everything.

These fiery feelings have lead to false statements and ridiculous accusations and a lot of hate. It all makes me tired and frustrated and sad that people who were at one time part of a common goal (breast cancer issues) are now divided and hurling hurtful and caustic abuse at each other.

Below are just some of the comments I’ve read from both sides of the debate that make me want to scream. I have countered with what I believe to be rational, factual responses with maybe a little bit of opinion thrown in here or there for good measure.

Let me make this clear. I AM NOT PROMOTING SUSAN G. KOMEN OR PLANNED PARENTHOOD.

This is despicable, and I’m going to silently curse every time I see one of those stupid pink ribbons. Whatever they may have meant in the past, they now stand for “Let ‘Em Die.”

Why? That’s one of the most ignorant statements I’ve heard. Pink ribbons do NOT represent Susan G. Komen. Pink ribbons represent breast cancer. Orange ribbons represent leukemia. Teal ribbons represent ovarian cancer. You get the idea.

I find this statement hurtful and terribly offensive. While it’s true that I have become weary of all the pink hype, the ribbon still means something to me and to my family. It serves as a reminder to women that they need to be aware and proactive; it serves to inspire hope in those newly diagnosed; it serves as a badge of honor for those who have fought the fight; it stands as a memorial for those we’ve lost – and we’ve lost too many. And to me personally it represents thankfulness that research has come as far as it has and gratitude to all the people who have made that possible with their financial support and the organizations who have advocated for that research.

If SGK will no longer give grants to PP then I will give my donations directly to PP.

You can give to whatever charity you want. That’s your business. But here are a few of my thoughts:

1. Donations to SGK are specifically related to breast cancer. The funds are then divided into six separate categories: administration, fundraising, research, education, treatment, and screening. When you give money to SGK you have no idea what your money specifically is going to, but you do know that it has something to do with breast cancer. By the same token, if you redirect your donations from SGK to PP you have no idea if it will be used for breast cancer screenings. My point here is, if you have been donating specifically for breast cancer something and you’re disenchanted with SGK then donate to a different breast cancer organization or a local facility.
2. PP is not the only organization who gives free breast cancer screenings. In fact there are probably better options simply for the fact that PP offers only breast exams and not further diagnostics such as mammogram and ultrasound. Which means if a woman has a breast exam at PP and something is found, she’s going to have to go somewhere else from there anyway. There are any number of programs for uninsured and underinsured women who offer both screening and diagnostic testing.
3. Just like it’s your right to give your money to whichever charity you want to, it’s an organizations right to give their grant money to whichever research or community health agency they want to.

I will not donate to SGK anymore because they now pay for abortions.
They don’t pay for abortions. They provide funding so a woman with no insurance and no money can get a possibly life saving breast exam. Unless there has been a misappropriation of funds (and I know all about the investigations), grant money is never used for abortions. There is nothing to actually suggest this has ever happened at PP.

That said, if you’re uncomfortable donating to SGK because there’s a chance your donation will help fund abortions, then by all means, donate somewhere else. But please don’t accuse SGK of funding abortions.

I thought SGK was in the business of saving women’s lives, yet they’re partnering with PP and abortions cause breast cancer.
Forget pink. This one makes me see red. There is no scientific evidence to support that claim. Here’s a link to the American Cancer Society which, unless you’re a conspiracy theorist, is in the business of cancer facts. FACTS. http://www.cancer.org/Cancer/BreastCancer/MoreInformation/is-abortion-linked-to-breast-cancer. It’s true there are studies out there which claim to show a link, but their stats are unreliable due to a whole host of reasons which are explained in the ACS link.

This is a real hot topic button for me because when my mother shared that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer with a long time family friend, the first thing she asked was if I had had an abortion. Understandably this floored my mom. When I learned about it I was enraged. First – because it’s the height of rude tackiness. Second – because abortion does NOT cause breast cancer.

If we could find a cure for polio, we can find a cure for cancer.
That is the hope, but to compare polio and cancer is like comparing apples and orangutans. Polio is one virus. One as in singular. Cancer is a mutation of cells and the reasons, causes, triggers, etc. are different for each type and subtype. Not to minimize polio, but it was one cure. Cancer is not that cut and dried.

There’s a cure for cancer. It’s just being kept secret by the pharmaceutical companies, government and organizations like SGK because cancer is such a big money maker.
Really?

SGK’s administrators take too much in compensation. All they care about is making money.
Well… It kind of seems that way to me, too. A friend of mine pointed this out to me, however:

Just an FYI – most directors of big charities get paid big bucks. When charities reach the size like Komen, they are incredibly difficult to administer, not to mention the compliance required to maintain its non-profit status. When you think about all the different tax jurisdictions where Komen has a presence, just making sure all the ‘i’s’ are dotted and ‘t’s crossed to prevent having the 501(c)(3) designation from being pulled is a huge job. The person in charge really needs to be a non-profit expert in compliance. This is highly specialized and demands high pay. Another thing to consider is that certain people get paid highly because they are able to use their connections to bring in many more dollars than otherwise would have been received by the charity.

I think what it comes down to is this – to the average person their salaries are over the top. However, that is an opinion and is relative to each person. Eddie pointed out further:

You will hard-pressed to find CEO’s at companies the size of Komen making less than a million dollars. And, not-for-profits have all the issues that for-profits have PLUS all the non-profit compliance issues.

Only 40%/28%/12% of the donations go to actual charity. The rest goes for administrative costs.
I’m not sure where people were coming up with these numbers, but they’re very inconsistent and way off. According to Charity Navigating (an objective third party who rates charities), 80.5% of what they bring in goes to research, education, screening or treatment. That might not sound like a lot, but when you look at other charities of a similar size that’s pretty much on par.

Planned Parenthood’s PRIMARY mission is to provide low cost/no cost abortions. 75% of its funding goes to this exact purpose.
Not true. Regardless of your position on abortion, Planned Parenthood does provide other services – good services – and abortion is only a small portion of what they do. If you are opposed to Planned Parenthood that’s your business. But don’t skew the statistics.

There were other statements that I took issue with, but writing this post has exhausted me, taken all day, and I’m just done. As I said above, I am not endorsing or promoting either Planned Parenthood or Susan G. Komen and have actually kept my personal opinions regarding the two to myself.

Comments? Great! All I ask is that they be respectful.

More Treasures

Jenster — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 22:52:10 +0000

Here are some more treasures that have been found in the garage.

Grandma D’s bowling ball:

My first piggy bank:

An upright piano music box that plays “As Time Goes By”:

A music box Grandma M brought back from Germany that used to play “Brahms Lullaby”:

A silly little plaque I got for Todd years ago:

And a few miscellaneous treasures:

P&P Only Not

Jenster — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 22:46:54 +0000

Today was Pajamas and Pancake Day at the preschool. My absolute most favoritist day of the entire school year. Seriously. Who doesn’t like to come to work in comfy jammies? And who doesn’t like pancakes?

Sadly, so very sadly for me I had to miss it. I kind of had my very own Pajamas and Pancake Day without the pancakes, though. And they were actually yoga pants and a t-shirt instead of jammies.

Last night I went for another sleep study. This time instead of getting released at 5:30 in the morning like I did HERE*, I had to stay for what they call a latent sleep study to test for narcolepsy. A latent sleep study takes place after the night time sleep study and is when you’re awake for about 2 hours and then you take a 20 minute nap. Then they wake you and you’re up for another 2 hours and then you take another 20 minute nap. They do this four or five times, which sounds great and all, except I think it’s pretty much the same thing as a torture technique better known as sleep deprivation. You just get into a deep sleep and they’re waking you up. Torture.

I had to pack food to eat because there’s no walking over to the hospital cafeteria in your jammies while hooked to all these leads. As I ate my 100 calorie whole wheat bagel tops with Weight Watcher’s light cream cheese that I washed down with not cold/not warm water I couldn’t help but think I could be eating a pancake and a slice of bacon and sipping a hot cup of coffee right now. Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that. No coffee for me, though I could smell Rob the technician’s coffee in the room next to mine. Like I said – Torture.

Rob released me after my fourth nap around 2:30 or so. I asked about my results and he said I fell asleep with each nap. I wanted to tell him I knew that because I was there. But that would have been rude. So I guess I failed the test. Or maybe I passed it. I’m not really sure.

Lucky for me, since it wasn’t 0-dark-thirty, it was rainy so I just kept the hood to my sweatshirt on until I got home so no one could see my spiky, sticky-outy hair.

Never one to be a whiner (just go with it, people), it wasn’t all bad. I did get to read a lot. Still, I’m thinking we’ll be having pancakes for breakfast on Saturday morning. And coffee. And maybe even a nap. A real nap.

*I wrote this post the day I was to go back for my follow up sleep study. Contrary to what I wrote in today’s post, I whined about having to go back all day long and kept hoping the sleep lab would lose power or something and my study would be cancelled. As I was packing my stuff up, grumbling the whole time, the phone rang. Todd answered it and it was Rob saying the lab had lost power and the sleep study was cancelled. NO LIE!! Then he told Todd he didn’t think I’d need a follow up because the CPAP machine has all the information he needs. I thought I’d gotten off super lucky until my doctor decided I should be tested for narcolepsy.

Treasure Hunting

Jenster — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 22:12:42 +0000

In an effort to kill two birds with one shot (photo shot, that is) here is a picture of Katie’s new old car AND the first snow of the season.

I wish she would settle on a name for her car. I’m voting for Scarlet, but the jury’s still out. It’s just that it’s so much easier to throw out a name whilst talking about her car than saying “her car”. Which sounds better to you?

1. Katie’s car wears the snow as if it’s a mink coat; or
2. Scarlet wears the snow as if it’s a mink coat.

(Killing birds, mink coat – I hope PETA doesn’t read Jenster’s Musings.)

Anyway, Todd’s been a very busy boy. In recent months he has gotten into wood working and has been slowly amassing equipment. All those power tools need a place to live and not in the middle of the garage willy nilly. We have a double garage with two windows on one wall so he’s decided to make that side his workshop. Which is a great plan, except for the fact that we have several boxes neatly tucked along that wall. Boxes that were put there by the moving guys when we moved into the house nearly 6 years ago. So now he’s going through the boxes and making a throw away pile, a yard sale pile, a put away pile and an I have no idea so I’ll have to ask Jen pile. It’s turning into quite a treasure hunt!

One of the first treasures he came across was a bag with our Christmas stockings in it. Yes, folks. We’ve celebrated Christmas six times in this house and never once with stockings. Christmas 2012 is going to be awesome!

Look at what other treasures he found:

I used to collect music boxes and bought this one at the San Francisco Music Company on Pier 39 in San Francisco about 25 years ago. You pull the little cable car down to the bottom of the hill and it slowly goes up the street to “I Left My Heart in San Francisco”.

My two favorite stuffed animals ever. My grandparents gave me Winnie the Pooh when I was really little and I can’t even count how many times he had to be sewn up here or there. When I was in elementary school and we would be learning about fire safety I would lay in my bed at night and go over how I would get out of the house if there was a fire. My plan would always include grabbing Winnie. When I would start to imagine the fire and NOT getting Winnie out I would end up crying in my bed. I loved Winnie.

The other is the first stuffed animal Todd gave me. I called him LT – short for Little Todd. Cheesy, I know. What can I say? I was young and silly.

I have no idea where I got this. Really? A size 5?

My Grandmother’s jewelry box.

Because of my love for music boxes I was given this one when my grandfather passed away. It had been given to him and my grandmother for their 50th wedding anniversary by my other grandmother so it’s doubly special to me.

There were other goodies (and a ton of junk) that was found, but there are still a few more boxes to go through. I can’t wait to see what’s to be found next!

Ruby Deux

Jenster — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 03:42:12 +0000

As I mentioned HERE, Katie’s car (affectionately known as Ruby) has been in the shop. Actually, it’s been in the parking lot of the shop. They have been so kind to let us keep her car there until we could figure out our next move. Not only that, but they didn’t charge us a dime to look at the car in the first place. They will definitely be keeping our business for a long time.

We exhausted all of our options and finally determined today we just need to scrap it. I feel bad for her because she worked hard to save the money to buy Ruby and she only lasted three months. I feel just as bad for Nick, the kid she bought the car from. He feels responsible, but he had no way of knowing there was only so much left in Ruby. Buying an 18-year-old car is always a risk.

So tonight we worked a deal to get Katie a newer car. Funnily enough it’s another red Camry, but a ’97 instead of a ’93. The three of us piled into the car (which may or may not be named Ruby Deux) and took a test drive to the parking lot where Ruby’s been hanging out for the past few weeks. Katie and I cleaned her out while Todd went in to tell the guys a flat bed truck would be collecting the old car in the next day or two. Then we drove away and it was kind of sad.

Back to the dealer where we signed papers and wrote a check and then we came home where we figured out a payment plan for Katie. She’s a little bummed about not owning the car outright (that would be me who owns the car outright) but she’s thrilled to have a ride again.

And me? I’m thrilled to be able to comfortably climb into my car in the morning without having to try and squeeze in and then slide the seat back.

Are You Starting Well?

Jenster — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 18:31:10 +0000

Here we are, heading into the third week of January, and I’m happy to say I am. Starting Well, that is. And what I mean by that is I’m following a new blog series called Starting Well, written by Teri Lynn Underwood, and it’s just too good not to share. You can click on the Starting Well banner for an overview of the series.

This first week has been Quiet Time – discipline in my spiritual life. Teri Lynne shares sensible ideas, doable suggestions and helpful resources. But the best part, in my estimation, is that she gives permission to be practical. There are no unreasonable reading plans or directives to spend one hour three times a day in quiet contemplation and I love that. It gives me permission to be human and not feel like a failure when I don’t “stick to the plan”. Heck, I don’t even have to rationalize!!

I’ve listed and linked to each of Week One’s posts below. Check out the main points of the first two, would you?

“God is not interested in your quiet time or devotions or personal Bible study… His interest is YOU.”

“Spending time in the Word is important… but how that happens and for how long on any given day? I’m just not sure that is quite as big a deal to God as it seems to be to us sometimes.”

How freeing is that? Sometimes I think we (translated=I) get so wrapped around the axel of doing it right, like if we don’t spend time with God or in his word this particular way (whatever this is) then we’re doing it all wrong and we may as well not do it at all. Let’s abandon that type of thinking and Start ~~over~~ Well.

• Devotions, Quiet Times, Personal Bible Study. Is it really necessary? “God is not interested in your quiet time or devotions or personal Bible study … His interest is YOU.”
• 10 Tips for a Great Quiet Time “Spending time in the Word is important … but how that happens and for how long on any given day? I’m just not sure that is quite as big a deal to God as it seems to be to us sometimes.”
• Memorize, Meditate, and Meander: Storing Up God’s Word 3 ways to spend time treasuring Scripture
• Tools of the Trade: Resource Recommendations Suggestions for Bibles, study aids, devotionals, and books on spiritual disciplines
• Chocolate, Paradise, and Every Spiritual Blessing Guest post by Kathy Howard inviting us to join her online study, “Growing Up Together: A Study of Ephesians”

My suggestion is that you subscribe to her blog so you don’t miss any of her posts, but in case you can’t for some reason, I’ll link the week’s posts on Sunday for the next seven weeks. And be sure to come back and let me know what you think!

Parenting At Its Finest

Jenster — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 01:34:25 +0000

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a MOPS Mentor Mom. I don’t really know for sure why I’m a “mentor” and tell my young moms I suppose it’s possible they could maybe learn something from my mistakes. Such as…

When my children were little I thought this or that would be a great mommy thing to do, but instead it caused them to stutter/burp/hit their head against the wall for no apparent reason/hate glitter – you fill in the blank – so don’t do it to your kids.

You see why I might not be best suited for the position.

But every once in a very long while I do have great words of parenting wisdom. A wisdom so profound it garners such looks of awe and appreciation that for a moment I’m embarrassed. Embarrassed that my genius has burned so bright. It’s hard to be humble when you’re a beacon of such enlightenment. But, you know, when you’re that brilliant it just is what it is.

This morning was one of those days. You know what I’m talking about. The kind of day when you’re on fire and everything that comes out of your mouth sounds like something you’d read in an inspirational book or see on Oprah.

Yesterday two of my friends with young children were discussing how they feel bad that they don’t play games for hours with their children like other moms. So this morning I offered them this priceless wisdom:

Don’t worry about it. As they begin to get a little older just start feeding them false memories about how you spent hours upon hours playing their favorite games when they were little. Eventually they will start to believe you and actually think they remember. Bam. You’re the best mother ever.

I KNOW! Brilliant, right?? Sometimes I amaze even myself.

Capriciality

Jenster — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 00:21:47 +0000

I am a horrible judge of pita chip to hummus/chip to dip ratio. I underestimated how many pita chips I was going to need to finish the amount of hummus I have, so I just got the bag. It seems to be working out well. Now if I can only make my one little glass of wine last. Tiny sips, Jenster. Tiny baby sips.

******

Katie’s car is in the shop. Last Wednesday as she was driving two other girls to school there was a pop and then smoke coming from the hood. Todd was, of course, out of town. Taylor was with him. I was in the shower as she tried to call me three times, back to back. One of her friend’s mother stopped by the house to tell me what had happened. Missy picked the girls up to take them to school and I was left to get the car picked up by a tow truck and to the shop.

It was 11 degrees when she left for school that morning. The mechanic told me later that day the radiator hoses were frozen and the “pop” was when one of them came off the radiator. The “smoke” was the fluid hitting the hot engine. He wasn’t going to be able to investigate further until the hoses had thawed out. We were hoping and praying with everything that it was only the radiator. New hoses and a radiator flush – while not cheap – is doable. Turns out there is actually something wrong with the engine. Poor Ruby.

The kid we bought the car from – a good friend of Taylor’s – is a mechanic and he’s going to price out parts and we’ll go from there. Hopefully having Nick do the repairs will still make it doable. Otherwise we’ll be scrapping Ruby for parts. Poor Ruby.

******

Taylor left to go back to college today. Well, not actually college. He’s driving to Pittsburg first to hang out with some friends who moved out there a while back. As luck would have it, his girlfriend just so happens to live in the Pittsburg area as well. Wednesday, I think, he and Shelby will then drive from the Pitt (no derogatory meaning intended) down to Lynchburg.

As much as I love having him home – and I do – I’m okay with him going back to school. He does have 1.5 years of higher education under his belt which means he’s super smart. Much smarter than his father or me. We seem to be getting dumber in direct proportion with his amount of time in college. Funny. I don’t feel dumber. Still, I can’t wait until the next time we get to see him.

(Mom and Dad – please picture me groveling as I beg for your forgiveness. Again.)

******

Todd has picked up a new hobby. He’s been making these really cool paracord bracelets for just about everybody. It gives him something to do during the evening. Kind of like Grandma and her knitting.

The bracelets are also called survivor bracelets because let’s just say you’re out hiking in the woods with your buddy and he/she goes over a cliff, barely landing on a narrow ledge 12 feet below. How will you ever pull him/her up? You have no cell service and it’s much too far to hike out – you’ll never make it back before dark, leaving your friend to suffer through the elements. If only you had a rope. But that’s much too heavy. Who would ever hike with 20 feet of rope? But wait! No need to fear! You just happen to be wearing a fashionable paracord bracelet engineered by Todd. You whip it off your wrist, clip the end with your handy Swiss Army knife (because you should never hike without a Swiss Army knife) and SHAPOW! Twenty feet of military grade paracord, able to hold 550 pounds! Crisis averted.

*****

And that’s what’s been happening in my neck of the woods. How about yours?

Good Intentionals

Jenster — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 16:06:16 +0000

I am NOT making a New Year’s resolution. I have found they don’t work for me and, in fact, cause more problems than good.

Yesterday in church Dan, our associate pastor, talked about taking off the old self and putting on the new self (Colossians 3: 5-11), which is a great scripture for this time of year. He mentioned three things that will help you reach your goal – whether a spiritual goal or a New Year’s resolution:

1. Pick only one thing
2. Tell someone your goal – someone who will hold you accountable
3. Don’t wait to start over if you mess up

I like this simple little list. It speaks volumes to me.

1. Pick only one thing

One of my biggest problems is becoming overwhelmed with everything I need/want to do. That desk I mentioned above? It’s a part of my sitting room/office which is an unholy wreck. I go in with the intention of cleaning it up but then I don’t know where to start. So I just leave. Maybe I should go in thinking I’m only going to pick up one thing. Or one category of things such as all the bobble heads, as an example. To my knowledge I don’t actually own any bobble heads. Then again, my office is so chaotic I might have a whole collection in there.

Now this concept isn’t new to me. Todd is forever saying, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” (Icky analogy if you ask me.) Yeah, yeah. I know. But I forget it a lot.

2. Tell someone your goal

This one is not a problem. I tell everybody everything whether they want to know or not. The issue is my lack of pride. So I tell you I’m going to clean up my office and then I don’t do it. Big woo. If you think less of me because I didn’t meet a personal goal I’d set for myself then so be it. No skin off my nose.

This attitude is a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing because I never struggled with the whole, “if I only do this or that, then they will like me.” I’ve pretty much always felt like, “this is me. I’m a good person and if they don’t like me because I’m not rich/pretty/smart/skinny/popular/spiritual/fill-in-the-blank enough then I that’s fine. I’d prefer not to be wrapped up with somebody that shallow.” I can’t honestly say why I’ve always had this attitude and I wish with everything in me that I could transfer that to young girls. Of course, this isn’t to say I’ve never felt inadequate or self conscious or any of those negative emotions because believe you me, I have and still do at times. It’s just not the usual way of how I think.

How is this mindset a curse? Easy! The whole accountability part doesn’t work so well with me. Maybe if I was to ask someone mean to hold me accountable it would be better. I suppose I need a scary drill sergeant who will cause me physical pain if I don’t do it.

3. Don’t wait to start over if you mess up.

Hello! This is where my rationalization hurts me every.single.time. I start a diet on Monday and when I blow it on Wednesday I just go hog wild until the following Monday. Is it any wonder I can’t manage to lose weight?

Perfect case in point. I started Weight Watchers about 10 weeks ago. I was doing great! I was only averaging about a pound a week but that was okay. I’m in this for the long haul so I was pleased with my very slow success. Then I went to Akron for a week. I managed to get a good hour or so of exercise nearly every day I was there, but I didn’t keep track of my food or activities and I didn’t make it to my weekly meeting. Then the following week I was so busy with work and other stuff (like parties three nights in a row) that I dropped the ball again. And let’s not even talk about the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Besides, we had company and we had to entertain them. And entertainment always includes good food you know.

So this year isn’t any different than any other year. I’m not actually making resolutions. Except I think I really am. I’m just not calling it a resolution. I’m planning on being more intentional. Not just this year, but from now on.

There are two quotes that describe me perfectly.

Ignorance is bliss

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

The first quote I will cling to until I breathe my last breath. It makes my life, well, blissful. I’m not a fan of the second quote because I always have the best of intentions. I just have no follow through and I hate that about me. So I am removing it from my repertoire.

Instead of having good intentions I’m going to be intentional about my actions. Instead of saying “it’s my intention to write so and so a note,” I’m going to be intentional about sending a note to someone every Monday. (I just came up with that one and I kind of like it.) Or instead of thinking it’s my intention to lose X amount of pounds this year, I’m going to be intentional about following the Weight Watchers plan. Or instead of it’s my intention to read my bible more, I’m going to be intentional about how I spend my time.

I don’t know that there’s really any difference, but for some reason it makes sense to me. And in the grand scheme of things here, that’s what counts.
So here’s how it’s going to play out:

1. Pick one thing

I’m going to be more intentional. That’s all. I have a lot of goals and I’m going to be more intentional about how to meet them. I might not meet them in 2012 and that’s okay. Except for my office. I really hope I realize the goal of having my sitting room clean and organized and conducive to being creative and productive before the end of the month!

2. Tell someone your goal

Um, I think this one is pretty clear. But for those of you who are a little slow on the uptake, I’m telling you right now. I’m going to be more intentional.

3. Don’t wait to start over if you mess up

So when I blow it tomorrow morning I’ll just start back up tomorrow afternoon, take off my old self again and put on the shiny new self.

since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.
Colossians 3:9b-10