A couple of months ago the director of my preschool asked if I would be coming back next year and if I was interested in the possibility of being a lead teacher. Those who think just anyone can be a preschool teacher are sadly mistaken. It takes a special person to be a good one and I was flattered she has that kind of confidence in me. I, knowing myself better than anyone, understand my gifts lie elsewhere.
I told her I would talk to Todd, pray about it and get back to her. So I talked, prayed and got back. It wasn’t an easy decision because: a) I love those kids. Each one of them has wormed his or her way into my heart; and b) I hate to disappoint people. But my reply was that I would neither be a lead teacher nor an assistant next year.
I’m blessed in many ways and one of those ways is that I don’t HAVE to work. The extra money is nice – and with college looming ahead it would be helpful – but at this time it’s not a necessity. Another way I’m blessed is I have a husband who supports my quest to be an author and a speaker. In fact sometimes I think he wants to see me published even more than I do.
So I told Kelly I wouldn’t be back next year because I wanted to concentrate on writing and speaking. It seemed like such a ridiculous reason. For one thing I’m only working 7 hours a week. For another thing it sounds so pretentious. It’s very easy to start thinking how ridiculous my desire is and who would ever want to read anything I write or listen to anything I might have to say.
To actually acknowledge these things as a career is almost embarrassing and to me it just sounds like an excuse. But each and every time I start thinking that way somebody – many times one of you – says just the right thing to encourage me and make me think that maybe I’m not crazy. Well, not in this matter anyway. I’ve finally come to the place where I truly believe with all my heart this is the path God wants me on. And because I believe this is where I’ve been led it’s starting to be a little easier to say.
There’s another reason I have decided not to work at the preschool next year. I’ve known this in the back of my mind, but didn’t want to admit it to myself because it sounds so, I don’t know. Whiney? Definitely pathetic. But the gig is too physically demanding. (I’m sure you can now see why I didn’t want to admit this.)
I spend a lot of time standing up, dancing around with the kids, sitting in very tiny chairs which means trying to extricate myself out of very tiny chairs, getting on the floor to play blocks or trains or whatever and struggling to get up. This never used to be a problem with me and it sure is humbling now. My body behaves as though I’m an elderly woman. I thought I would get used to it, but even now I’m fatigued and sore by the time I get home.
So I’ll continue working at the preschool until the middle of June and then I’ll be done. Part of me is very sad because, as I said, those kids are just something else. Even the little rascals are precious. But I truly believe God is leading me down a different path. And writing is so much less strenuous.