Give Me The Coffee And No One Gets Hurt

To say I’m not a morning person is an understatement. I hate getting out of my snuggly bed when the alarm goes off and I don’t like to talk before I’ve had that first jolt of caffeine.

But because I’m the best mom ever not the worst mom in the world I do get up early and drive Katie and her friends the half a block to the bus stop so they can sit in the warm car until the bus arrives. Lucky for Taylor he’s a boy and does the whole “Negative 20 isn’t that cold unless you’re a wuss” with the other ridiculous high school boys while the fog from their breath crystallizes before their eyes and shatters to the ground, because I’m not usually ready to get out when he leaves.

So where was I? Oh yeah. Katie and her friends. That means three to five teenage girls in my car. Was I like that?? (That’s a rhetorical question and does not require an answer.) I’m afraid one morning I won’t be able to see well enough to drive the 50 yards home because my eyes will be permanently crossed.

Usually I make my coffee early enough so I can take a cup with me and then it doesn’t seem so bad. A steaming cuppa joe and all is right with the world. This morning, however, it didn’t happen. I managed a shower before the bus stop, but didn’t get the coffee on in time.

But honestly, it wouldn’t matter if Katie was the only girl. She’s a bright thing, but sometimes she doesn’t use her head. Like when I practically shove her out of the way so I can get to the coffee maker and she starts her incessant talking. About what, I have no idea. My mind can’t keep up with her that early. She could be Charlie Brown’s teacher for all I know. Wah wah wah wah. You can read a sampling of a typical Katie commentary at Make Her Stop, Please.

If I thought anyone would obey it I would make a rule stating there is to be no talking until mom has consumed at least a half a cup of coffee. Instead this morning I was challenged with this hypothetical question as I was throwing “rich, aromatic” grounds into the maker. “If there was only one cup of coffee left in the world how far would you go to get it?”

Huh?? What kind of horrible question is that? Are you trying to throw me into a panic? Do you want to see me completely wig out?? Not only was she talking to me, she was trying to make me think. Not only was she trying to make me think, she was striking at my Achilles’ heel. And enjoying my very obvious discomfort.

So I got the coffee started and it was time to leave. No liquid fortification to deal with the squealing teenage females. Even so, they’re very funny and sometimes I forget I’m a middle-aged mom because I end up being silly with them.

Supposably we’re getting another “winter precipitation event” after midnight tonight and maybe, just maybe school will be delayed tomorrow. That way I’ll have plenty of time to make AND consume mass quantities of coffee before I have to deal with anyone!! A girl can hope.


  1. Dee on February 21, 2008 at 4:07 pm

    LOL! Oh to be a teenager again… you poor thing. I hope by now you’ve had a wonderful cup of steaming hot coffee and are feeling much better.

  2. Anonymous on February 21, 2008 at 4:23 pm

    Oh, Jen, I so resemble your remarks. 😉 I am NOT a morning person, either. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Neither is my daughter. I’m assuming we’ll be on the same page when she’s older and I won’t have to literally drag her out of her bed in the mornings . . . Please don’t shatter my illusions, by the way. Pilot Man, on the other hand, wakes up singing. Ugh! He seems to take great delight in saying good morning to me in the cheeriest, most impossible tones — and then he just laughs when I can do nothing but scowl in return. One of these mornings I’m going to injure him and I don’t think anyone would think I’d been over-reacting once they hear how absurdly cheerful and awake he is in the mornings!I’ll be thinking about you tomorrow morning while I stumble around getting myself and Kameron ready for school tomorrow, since we’re not expecting anything resembling a freeze. Or even winter. ;)Hugs,Jennifer

  3. Jodi_Lee on February 21, 2008 at 5:07 pm

    Katie would make a great character in a YA book. Who better to write it than the character’s mother! hint hint 😉

  4. beans on February 21, 2008 at 6:05 pm

    oh, sheesh. i go to the mall and i am just blown away by kids these days. i am constantly like “where is your mother”. DP says I am an old fart already at 30, but seriously, I was not like that when I was a teen . .though i guess all the other stuff i was doing as a teen wasn’t exactly better . . .BTW-you are VERY nice to drive her to the bus stop. I remember having to walk 3/4 a mile to the bus stop in the freezing cold . . .up hill both ways-no, not really, but it was cold and long when you were a kid. didn’t my mother know someone could have snatched me up?

  5. Cheryl Wray on February 21, 2008 at 6:13 pm

    I think there should ABSOLUTELY be a rule that says no one talks to Mom until she has her coffee…or, in my case, my Diet Dr. Pepper. Leave me alone for at least 30 minutes!!!!

  6. Jenster on February 21, 2008 at 6:18 pm

    Dee – You betcha. I sucked down a huge cup when I got back from the bus stop!Jennifer – Cheery people in the morning are a pox on society! lolJodi_lee – She’s quite the little writer herself! Maybe we could collaborate…Beans – What can I say? It’s just been so darn cold at 7:00!

  7. Jenster on February 21, 2008 at 6:18 pm

    Cheryl – EXACTLY!!

  8. April on February 21, 2008 at 7:18 pm

    We just bought a spanking new coffee maker and used it just this afternoon. I wish you were here to share a cup with me. I love it. You just stick your cup up to the maker and it pours into your mug. A big step up for this out-of-date family. It’s Fun! I told my mother-in-law that it does everything….it gets me dressed and does the laundry too. LOL Well…actually the “jolt” from the coffee is what gets me to do it. BTW, I’m not a morning person either.

  9. angela on February 21, 2008 at 7:22 pm

    Coffee is a treat for me. I don’t do caffine very well. Once I drank a cup before a movie and I was on the end of the seat the whole time. I kept bouncing and saying, “This is a great movie.” Even decaf keeps me up at night;) But I’m glad you enjoy it.

  10. Swishy on February 21, 2008 at 8:06 pm

    Awww … you are SUCH a nice mom!We got that storm … NOT. GOOD!

  11. His Girl on February 21, 2008 at 8:07 pm

    *raises hand guiltily* I have been told that I am like a chipper little bird in the morning. I can’t help it! I am also very cheery late at night… but UGH that noon – 3 hour! I feel like death. WHY must people be so cheery in the middle of the day??? i guess we won’t be visting in PA in the morning hours, huh? tee hee

  12. Angry Woman on February 21, 2008 at 11:19 pm

    I’m not much of a morning person either. Unfortunately with the crappy commute I have for work I have no choice but be up an some awful early time of the morning. If it wasn’t for Dunkin Donuts coffee I seriously doubt I’d be able to face my job.

  13. Sing4joy on February 21, 2008 at 11:51 pm

    I am not a morning person either. Coffee does not bring hope to the morning for me. Praise God His mercies are new EVERY morning and He keeps giving me opportunities to change my mind. Does He NOT remember that He made me a night owl?

  14. Shauna on February 22, 2008 at 1:27 am

    Jenster, you’re reading my mind again. Or is it that you’re living my mornings? 😉 I am EXACTLY like that. In fact, I often forbid talking at the breakfast table. Not an easy thing for 6, 4 and 2 year old boys. They’re not even always talking TO me. Just around me. And sometimes it’s still just too much before that first cup of coffee. Or on the really bad mornings – which is most of the time – a cappuccino. Is it wrong that my young children can understand – and accept – how much my coffee means to me? If I tell them, “Listen, I will help you in a second. Do you see what Mommy’s doing? Makin’ a cappuccino. I haven’t even had ONE cup of coffee yet.”And they nod their heads, quiet down and wait *mostly* patiently.

  15. Burg on February 22, 2008 at 1:27 am

    Ugh. I hate mornings. Mornings without coffee have extra stink on them too.I have a new blog: when you can.

  16. Rosie on February 22, 2008 at 1:40 am

    When I worked in a law office years ago my boss always gave me a hard time because I consistently got to work at 5 after 8. He’d lament that if I could get there at 5 after 8 I should be able to get there at 5 ’til 8 after all it’s only 10 minutes.Yeah, right. I calmly explained to him, because I’d had my coffee, that the hardest thing I do each and every day is get out of bed in the morning. Seriously. I loathe it. Almost as much as I hate going to bed at night. Get the correlation, Sir? Good thing he liked me…and my work. So yeah, I get what you are saying. Totally. Completely.

  17. Dorky Dad on February 22, 2008 at 2:11 am

    I’m totally with you. I don’t even want to THINK until around mid-morning, after several gallons of coffee. And then all these people try talking to me. Ugh.

  18. Lisa on February 22, 2008 at 10:26 am

    How about one of those coffee makers with a timer? You fix it up before you go to bed, and it makes the coffee for you at the time you specify? :o)I’m afraid even the stoutest cup could help me face a car load of teenage girls…

  19. Sherry on February 22, 2008 at 11:07 am

    OMG — I am so laughing…you are hilarious…and I know you are speaking the truth.I WAS Katie — my poor mother…now I know how she felt…I was a wah wah wah wah wah wah wahy … all the time!! Never shut up!!! Thanks for the laugh and the memories!!!You have my utmost sympathies!!!

  20. Tanya on February 22, 2008 at 1:14 pm

    Thats got to be tough, but I bet you are the favorite Mom. I think if the coffee wasn’t finished in time, I’d bring some pop. Without my daily drug, I’m a mess. I think coffee rates higher than a shower, too.

  21. Jenster on February 22, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    April – Your coffee maker sounds divine! Wish I was there to share a cup with you, too.Angela – Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I’ve developed a tolerance.Swishy – Yeah – you guys got it a lot worse than we did, I think.HisGirl – No early morning visits from me. If I come bearing chocolate in the mid-afternoon will you be chipper??Aim – Dunkin Donuts was created in Heaven for us mortals, I’m convinced.S4J – I’m neither. LOLShauna – LOL!! You can never train them too young. Katie sometimes says to her friends in the car – “Guys. My mom hasn’t had her coffee yet. So yeah. You know.” Apparently they know what that means.Burg – “extra stink”. LOL. I’ll be visiting your new blog ASAP!Rosie – It’s nice you could be honest with him. :o)Dorky Dad – What’s with people anyway??Lisa – Our coffee maker has a timer on it. I think I was subconsciously hoping the storm would hit a day early and I wouldn’t have to get up because then the coffee would have been cold. And maybe a shot of bourbon in my coffee would help??Sherry – I think I may have been a Katie, too. Maybe I used up all my morning words when I was younger.Tanya – I’m the favorite mom in the morning. The other moms are pretty awesome, too. In fact, these girls are so lucky!!

  22. Becky on February 22, 2008 at 4:20 pm

    I’m one of those people that can get up in the mornings without caffeine just fine…but when I hit about two in the afternoon, I’m feeling ready for a nap with Judah. Which of course I can’t do or the whole house would fall apart, so I try and fortify myself with caffeine about that time…iced tea, coffee, chocolate…then I’m good.As for the squealing teen females…I did that at the Rock-A-Thon lock-in we had for our youth group, and thought I was going to go completely berzerk. How can they keep going on like that until 2 am? And to keep finding things to talk about and squeal about? OY!

  23. Gretchen on February 22, 2008 at 11:04 pm

    I’m sorta chirpy, but it takes at least one or five cups to get me started in full gear. And it takes a good hour for my ears to wake up. 🙂 Like His Girl, I flag from about 12-3, and then rally till about 11 if needed–10 is preferred. But…who gets to go to bed at 10?

  24. radioactive girl on February 25, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    I drive my kids to the bus stop too and end up with a carfull of kids every morning. I love hearing what they are talking about, as I am sure you do. Isn’t it cool that they are comfortable enough around us to just be themselves? But the coffee thing would really be my downfall. I am more addicted to it than I care to admit!I thought of you yesterday when my husband brought me a white chocolate mocha from Starbucks.

  25. The Daily "B" on February 26, 2008 at 2:01 pm

    How odd… I know I commented on this but it’s not showing… maybe I commented in my head? Do you live by the Gosselins from Jon & Kate + 8 (Discovery channel)?? The houses in the picture look exactly like the houses by a playground on the show. Just curious… =)

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