GPS – Gender Particular Suppositions

Todd and I didn’t exchange gifts for Christmas this year. Instead we purchased a GPS. Apparently, he is not amused by my frequent and unintended use of alternate routes.

I have to be honest – I wasn’t thrilled about this idea for two reasons:

1) I had a great Christmas list. I took the time to figure out what I wanted, where to get it and how much each item cost. It was a concise, organized and informative list. Just the sort of list a Type A personality such as Todd would like. Most important to note is that this list included jewelry;

2) I felt a GPS system would diminish my value. I know it’s irrational, but hear me out. It’s already been established in a previous post that I’m kind of good at a lot of things, but not really good at much of anything. Except directions. My sisters and I have always been good with directions. It’s one of the few things that I’m very good at. We may take a wrong turn here or there, but I can get us anywhere.

What my family doesn’t seem to understand is that just because someone is very good at directions doesn’t mean they won’t miss a turn. Especially when: a) the actual streets don’t quite match up to the map; b) they can’t see the street sign until they’re right up on it; or c) there isn’t a street sign. So when we drive past the road we were supposed to turn on I get all the flack. “Are we in New Jersey?” “What now, Misdirection?”

I will admit to perpetuating the jokes, but I’m tired of them now – especially in light of my competition – the GPS.

I never actually said okay until he called me from work and said he was getting ready to purchase it online. Then it was kind of like, “whatever.” He, being a man, took my silence on the matter to mean assent. Me, being a woman, took my silence on the matter to mean I really want the pearl earrings but I’m not going to say that because it sounds selfish and how can you, after all these years, not know this!?

I don’t have much of a temper, but this made me mad. Partly at myself for not saying anything before the purchase was made. Again, I didn’t want to sound like a petulant child, though I had no problem acting like one AFTER the purchase.

Her name is Jill. Todd thinks she’s wonderful. My thoughts are decidedly different. Todd likes her sultry voice. I find her voice grating. Todd wants to take her everywhere. I want her to stay hidden in the back of the shelf in the closet.

She’s not always right, either. Sometimes she takes us some ridiculous way that makes absolutely no sense. Todd doesn’t seem to think anything of that. After all, we always get to where we’re going.

I admit to taking us ridiculous ways sometimes, as well. But we still always got to where we were going. Do I hear any praise from Todd for getting us there? No. Just criticisms for the wrong turns here or there. He’s much nicer to Jill.

For the most part I’ve gotten over my hatred of Jill and even suggested he take her last week for our visit to a new doctor. I knew how to get to the town well enough, but I wasn’t sure exactly where the office was. And I will admit, Jill was very convenient for that.

However, I still have my moments. Like the time Jill was telling him to go one way and I was telling him to go another way. I kept telling her to shut up and I think I probably called her a bad name. Finally Todd said to Jill, very nicely, “I’m sorry Jill. I know you’re just trying to help, but I can only listen to one wench at a time and I have to sleep with her,” or something like that. Pfffft! At that very moment I got a picture of Todd, in the guest bed, with Jill on the pillow next to him.

What thoroughly irritates me the most, I think, is when he uses Jill to get home from, say, the mall. How many months upon months have we gotten home from the mall without her help? Why does he need her now? I think he just likes to listen to the harpy.

I do hope that Jill and I will be able to come to an understanding because I can see how she would be useful for certain road trips. Still, she is the “other woman.” I think pearl earrings would go a long way towards assuaging my hurt feelings.


  1. Frannie Farmer on February 22, 2007 at 6:12 pm

    When Mr. Farmer fails to *hear* my thoughts on issues such as this; I have no problem assuaging the grief myself … I got a great little bauble for Valentines day :O)

  2. JenniferTX on February 22, 2007 at 8:45 pm

    Oh, that was HILARIOUS, Jen!! But as someone who is severely directionally-challenged, I understand the allure of Jill — and I don’t swing THAT way at all! My current car came with a Jill, and at first, I LOVED her!! She told me exactly when a turn was coming up, and then, exactly when to turn. And when I still managed to mess up (believe me, it’s possible!), she never got upset at me, but quickly recalculated and got me turned back around and going in the right direction.Unfortunately, I’ve got the older version of Jill. And she’s showing her age. Things change — roads change. But not Jill. At least, not as quickly as she should. Now she just irritates me by taking me on obscure back roads when I see a perfectly nice freeway nearby. So, I’ve turned her off. I mean, she doesn’t even know my new house exists!Yes, I imagine I can update her, but really, I think I’m over the thrill of her by now. Todd will be too, don’t worry.Hugs & Chocolate,Jennifer

  3. Katybug on February 22, 2007 at 10:29 pm

    Jenster, you are a RIOT!!! I LOVE reading your blog…I never know what’s going to happen. And I agree with Mrs. Farmer ;-)…assuage your own “guilt” and get those earrings for yourself. No need to wait any longer! When I wasn’t getting what I wanted for Christmas (even with a list like yours!!!) I started buying Christmas gifts for myself and putting other’s names in the “from” section. You should see their faces when I thank them for getting me EXACTLY what I wanted. My 7-year-old daughter looked particularly confused. It was great!!! 🙂 One more thing that might help you get over “the other woman”: my friend in Massachusetts gave me a brief history on the Fluffernutter. Fluffernutter sandwiches were invented in Somerville, Massachusetts. Last summer they had their first ever Fluffernutter Festival. It was such a big hit, they’re thinking of making it an annual event. YEA!!!!!And Jill can’t have Fluffernutters.Blessings,Katy

  4. Kristie (J) on February 22, 2007 at 11:17 pm

    ROTFL!! That IS Funny!! I had my own experience with one of those #$*#($ GPS things a couple of years ago. Lisa and I were headed to Massachusettes a couple of years ago for our other sisters wedding. She fedexed her fiances GPS – sans instructions. Well Lisa managed to figure it out – mostly. So off we headed to Massachusettes with the GPS and directions from Map Quest. It was supposed to be a 7 hour drive. Well part way there the GPS told us one way and the Map Quest directions told us another. I forget which one we went with – the GPS I think. Yea – that’s right! We went with the GPS. Then about an hour (supposedly) from where we were going – the GPS decided it was nap time and konked out. The mapquest directions weren’t any good because we hadn’t followed them for hours and the one thing we didn’t think of getting was *gee* a map. So there we were in the middle of who knows where – a sound asleep GPS and Nance – the other sister calling on the cell phone every ten minutes asking where we were. Finally in frustration I yelled, I don’t KNOW where we are! I have no idea what state I’m even in. We did eventuall get there – 3 hours later. We left at nine in the am and arrived at midnight. WORST TRIP OF MY LIFE. So I can understand you lack of love for a GPS named Jill. And you lack of meaningful pearls. A GPS is such a guy kind of gift isn’t it?

  5. T-girl on February 22, 2007 at 11:24 pm

    ROTFL… yeah, hubby wants to bring Jill’s sister Veronica home to our house also. I think it is they guy gadget thing, they can’t help themselves, they don’t REALLY WANT the Jills of the world but she is such a hoochie, talking suductively dirty in his ear at the store he can’t help himself.Frannie- you are a naughty girl leading all these people astray with your sinful ways! ROTFL… did I meantion the 10 dollar red hooker shoes I bought today? THEY are SOOO pretty… I mean SO pretty! I don’t own one damn thing to wear them with but I figure they will look super sexy in the car he bought this afternood that we decided he didn’t need but he bought anyways! At least my 100 dollar shoes will be able to get us somewhere when is 400 dollar care won’t drive! Investment baby, investment! LMAO

  6. T-girl on February 22, 2007 at 11:25 pm

    Gads- there are spelling errors galore in that thing! Sorry, you all know what I mean though I am sure! 😉

  7. Jenster on February 23, 2007 at 9:00 am

    Frannie – I may end up doing that for my anniversary.Jennifer – With Jill if you take a wrong turn she says, “recalculating” and I swear if she has to keep doing that it sounds as though she’s going to jump through the little device and smack you! Could be my imagination, I suppose.Katy – A whole festival??? Yippy!!! We’ll have to give Jill the coordinates for Somerville, MA!!Kristie – I love maps! I try not to go anywhere without one. They’re just fun to look at. And MapQuest has messed us up a time or five.T-Girl – Yes! Hoochie is what Jill is!!! The tramp!! And red hooker shoes?? I LOVE it!!! I’m sure they’d look great with a sexy little number from Victoria Secret. You know. The kind you pay a ton of money for and stays on for about 10 minutes. You can keep the shoes on, though. LOL

  8. Bookwormom on February 23, 2007 at 2:06 pm

    Why is it Jill?? Why can’t it be Jack? If it’s suppposed to keep you er..on track (and I say that hesitantly) wouldn’t it be better if you might actually use it?Also- last time I used one of those things it got us lost in downtown DC. We had to stop for directions twice because of it’s incorrectness! Lack of proper orientation? Whatever. Fortunately we’d only borrowed it & were able to give it back. I refuse to buy one.Buy yourself pearl earrings & tell Todd he can keep Jill. In his car.

  9. Jan Jaffe on February 24, 2007 at 7:27 am

    Hilarious Jen! Unacceptable to have to compete with a GPS that deserves the pearlearrings and congrats on your test results that deserves a matching bracelet. Hang in There

  10. CindyS on February 25, 2007 at 4:34 am

    Hon, forget the earrings and go get a young buff pool boy. It’s even better when you don’t have a pool. You better believe he’ll dump Jill in a heartbeat ;)Yep, that’s always my ace ;)CindyS

Leave a Reply