I’m A Contender, Baby

Mother of the Year may be out, but I’m a shoo in for Idiot of the Year.

Katie went to babysit late yesterday afternoon and I received a text from her at some point saying she would be home around 1:00. At 11:30 I headed up to bed and Taylor was in the basement with some of his buddies. I called down to him to leave the front door unlocked and the porch light on for Katie when his friends left.  Then I sent her the following text:

Dad and I have gone to bed. Be sure to ever so quietly come kiss my cheek on your way to bed.

I don’t typically sleep very deeply when I have a chick out of the nest. As I drifted in and out of a light sleep I could hear Taylor and his friends talking every now and then and the door open and shut as one or another left. Eventually I turned over and the clock read 1:30. I continued to lay there and wait to hear the car that would be dropping Katie off, but as the minutes ticked by I started getting a little concerned. I texted her again:

R U on UR way home?

No answer.

Finally I got up and came downstairs so I could do my fretting without waking up Todd, who was sleeping very soundly with his CPAP mask on.

When I saw the front door was locked and the porch light was off I was most displeased with Taylor. Thank goodness I got up when I did so I could put everything the way I had asked for before she came home and had to ring the doorbell! Then I cozied up in the chair where I could better hear the car and see the headlights when she was brought home.

Thirty minutes after my last text I texted again:

Hello????

No answer.

Drifting in and out of something sort of like sleep, I kept offering up prayers for her safety and the safety of the people she was babysitting for. As the time passed my imagination started getting crazy. “What if the people had an accident on their way back from Philly?” “What if they had an accident bringing Katie home?” And on and on.

Another thirty minutes later was another desperate attempt at a text:

????????

No answer.

By 2:30 my pragmatism had fled and I was starting to freak out. I called her cell phone and it immediately went to voice mail. My first thought was that it had probably lost its charge. My second thought was that it must have been smashed in the crash. Finally, a little before 3:00 I called the house she was at. When Crystal answered the phone and I asked if Katie was still there she said, “No. Stacey took her home a little after 12:00.” My heart sank and I really started imagining the worst. Crystal started to say, “Let me call Stacey…” but before she could finish I said, “Wait a minute. Let me check her bed just in case she forgot to come wake me up.”

Guess where she was. In her bed, sound asleep.

I profusely apologized to Crystal and she was just so gracious. You really get to see the real person when you wake them up at 3:00 in the morning and the real Crystal is very kind.

When I got off the phone I asked Katie why she didn’t come wake me up. She said she kissed her hand and touched my cheek and figured that would wake me up because her hands were cold. “I could swear you opened your eyes, Mom.” So much for sleeping very lightly until my kids are home. What I should have told her was, “Make sure when you kiss my cheek you get a verbal acknowledgement of your presence.”

I finally climbed into bed where I promptly burst into tears. And then I’d think of how stupid I was not to check the bed first thing and I’d giggle. And cry. And giggle. And Todd? He just laid there, looking like a cute Snuffleupagus, completely oblivious to the non-existent crisis. Boy was I glad I didn’t have to wake him up for a true crisis!

He worked all three services at church this morning and the kids and I went to the last service. On the way there I was telling them my story and Taylor decided I should write a book called, “Diaries of a Dumb, Crazy Woman.” I think he should write a book called, “Diaries of a College Student Who Needs to Go Back to School.”

I saw Crystal and her husband at church and sheepishly approached them to apologize again. Seriously, people. What was I thinking? That’s a rhetorical question because obviously I wasn’t thinking. Why in the world did I not go check her room first thing? The only excuse I can think of is because it was 1:30 and I’m not the clearest thinker at that time.

So there you have it. See if you can top that one!