I’m Out of Control

I sat in the chair, playing on my computer, for nearly two hours this morning thinking about what to have for breakfast. Thankfully my coffee cup ran dry, forcing me out of the seat and into the kitchen.

I went from fridge to freezer to pantry to the huge Costco barrel of cheese balls on the counter to the fridge and around again. The whole time I was thinking, I shouldn’t be eating these cheese balls – I need to find something healthy, almost as in a trance. Something about seeing the bright orange coating on my fingers after about the third handful made me snap out of it.

I decided on something simple. Toast with crunchy peanut butter and seedless black raspberry jam from the Intercourse Canning Company (**giggle** I said intercourse). I know. Not the healthiest, most lose-five-pounds-in-a-week meal, but I’ll start that tomorrow. While the bread was toasting, I went to the pantry for the peanut butter.

Two shelves below the peanut butter were the Salt & Vinegar kettle chips and before I knew what I was doing I had poured a Shaquille O’Neal handful into a bowl. I didn’t want to eat them, but I watched my hand pick out the crunchiest chip and carry it to my mouth. I loved the chip and hated the chip all at the same time.

I don’t have the best eating habits in the world, but I usually have a little bit of self control. My utter lack of willpower was a bit baffling until it hit me. I had that most hated Zoladex injection last Thursday. The stupid stuff not only makes me retain fluid, but it gives me the munchies. SERIOUS munchies – like Cheech and Chong on a doobie bender.

I need to go to the grocery store, but I’m afraid I’ll come home with all manner of chips and cookies and ice cream and completely forget the milk, poultry and salad greens. Maybe if I eat a bag of M&Ms before I go. A one pound bag.

I see my dream of getting out of these “fat” clothes and into my regular clothes dwindling with each goody I eat. Hawaii is four months away and I’m probably going to have to rethink my wardrobe. No grass skirts and coconut shells for me.


  1. JenniferTX on February 6, 2007 at 4:05 pm

    Hey, I can totally sympathize with you on wanting to eat more healthy foods but not quite being able to do it . . . I’m very bad about that! Have you tried eating an apple before you eat a meal? Neither have I (LOL), but I’ve heard this is a good way to eat healthy foods AND to lose weight. I’ve also heard that drinking a glass of water is a good thing to do, too. Nope, I’ve never done that, either. *grin* But I think about it. That’s GOT to count for something!Jennifer

  2. Anonymous on February 6, 2007 at 7:19 pm

    I have been munching on cheese nips all day today, thinking the same thing as you, with each handful.I am not going to Hawaii in 4 months, but I do want to look decent in shorts this summer … Frannie

  3. Barb on February 6, 2007 at 11:30 pm

    Frankly, coconut shells as fashion accessory don’t look that comfortable to me anyway. And if you go to Sam’s Wholesale, you can get those M&Ms in a 3 lb bag….

  4. Jenster on February 7, 2007 at 10:10 am

    Jennifer – I’ve never eaten an apple before each meal, but I AM eating an apple with a few cheese cubes for breakfast. How is that for healthy?? Let’s just see how long it lasts.Frannie – Yeah. Even if we weren’t going to Hawaii I’d want to lose weight. But especially since I’m bound to get caught in family vacation photos… you understand.Barb – I agree that coconut shells don’t look so comfy. LOL And you’re not helping me any with the 3 lb. M&M bag! :o)

  5. Jen on February 7, 2007 at 2:37 pm

    Maybe what you should do it eat nothing but junk food for about 3 or 4 days. Then you will make yourself sick of it and crave salad and grilled chicken. Worth a try – hahahahaha! I totally understand about getting the munchies. My monthly does that to me and since I have been going through perimenopause, it has become an even bigger problem.

  6. Dylan aka Rowena on February 7, 2007 at 3:57 pm

    I have the worst eating habits in the world, so you’re not alone sweetie.And luckyyyyy, you’re going to Hawaii? How awesome!

  7. Bookwormom on February 7, 2007 at 6:36 pm

    I’m not exactly a healthy eater either, so I oughta join you on the eating healthy wagon. Except I just bought a whole box full of Walker’s Shortbread. As to the bacteria? Me & my bacteria love our bad eating habits, thank you very much. On the other hand, I’m not going to the beach anytime soon.

  8. Jenster on February 7, 2007 at 10:22 pm

    Jen – I like your idea of nothing but junk food for 3 or 4 days. BRILLIANT!Rowena – Yeah! I’m stoked!! It’s sort of our consolation prize for a crappy year last year. :o)Amanda – I LOVE Walker shortbread. I love homemade shortbread even more. Only if it’s made with real, unsalted butter. Lots of it.

  9. Anonymous on February 8, 2007 at 12:05 am

    My neighbor and I played racquetball last night and I reminded her how much I loved her oatmeal cookies in between sweating plays. Tonight, on my doorstep, homemade oatmeal cookies. Gotta love those kind of friends. Exercise you one day, give you the calories back the next.

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