MRI Lullaby

Remember how last time I had tried to trick the nurse into writing a script for Percocet? Well either I totally threw her off her game or she was just mean and wrote the script – which was for the MRI and not medication at all – for my RIGHT knee instead of the left.

I think she must be in medical school because her handwriting looked like a doctor’s and it was easy peasy lemon squeezy to change that little R to an L. Which I did. Which was fine. Except the holy pre-certification from the almighty insurance company had it down as right knee as well.

As you can imagine, much drama over which knee I injured ensued… Except it really didn’t. The potential was there, no doubt. But everybody on every end happily changed the R to an L and all was right with the world. I just wanted to spice things up a little and lead you to a false sense of excitement.

You may or may not know, but I get a breast MRI every year and I find it to be heinous. I have finally determined I am somewhat allergic, or maybe just sensitive, to the contrast dye because I always end up with a hellacious headache.

Let me just tell you that there is a ginormous difference between a breast MRI with contrast and a knee MRI without.

First – and I do not assume you can’t figure this out but I do want to be clear here – totally different parts on opposite ends of the body that work very differently. Instead of pretending to be playing pool and trying to get the 8 ball and the cue ball into two different pockets at the same time (if you’ve ever had a breast MRI you know exactly what I’m talking about), you just lie back and prop your knee in a very cushy and comfy contraption.

Second – you don’t have to go quite as far into the tunnel of doom, though I went in farther than I thought I would.

Third – it’s much quicker.

And I fell asleep. For some that might be a great thing, but I get really twitchy as I’m drifting off. I’d jerk myself into consciousness and then wait for the technician to tell me they were going to have to run that scan over because I moved. But apparently the very cushy and comfy contraption did a good job of keeping my knee still. Thankfully there was no drooling or snoring going on.

Afterwards I was given a disk and promptly came home to look at the scans on my computer. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m practically an expert in the medical field. You see, I was a medical transcriptionist. Not only can I spell big, scary words, I can tell you what the prefixes and suffixes mean. So, of course, looking at an MRI scan is like kindergarten.

Which is why I work in a preschool.  The images looked a lot like alien space creatures. So I guess I’ll have to wait until my follow up appointment on Tuesday.