Silly Dream or Nightmare? You Decide

I have to rant, or whine, for a minute before I tell you my dream. If you’ve been hanging out here for the last couple of months you know I’m going to have to have a hysterectomy. My ovaries are like the Energizer Bunny and they won’t stop. Since I can’t have estrogen coursing through my body because my breast cancer was estrogen fed, the ovaries have got to go. We just moved to the state in June and I found a gynecologist on a recommendation of a friend. I had an appointment with this new doctor this morning at 10:30 in their Collegeville clinic. When I showed up there was no one AT the clinic. Turns out my appointment was not here, it was in Paoli. The cranky girl who made my appointment three weeks ago told me Collegeville!

The receptionist in the information booth called them and now I have an appointment – IN PAOLI – next Tuesday. It’s not such a big deal other than I feel like there’s always something I’m waiting for. I waited forever to get my reconstruction and then this hysterectomy mess popped up. I just want to have it over and done with and go about my business again.

Okay. That’s my whine. Or rant. Or whatever you want to call it. I did stop for a Starbuck’s Venti decaff White Chocolate Mocha to assuage my pouty self, so that was good. And why do I think, though I know better, that if I order a decaff it means there’s no sugar or fat in it, ergo no guilt? I dunno.

Now for my dream.

I had been invited to be on Oprah. I didn’t know exactly why, but okay. They want me on the show. I walk through the doors and an assistant leads me up a grand, sweeping staircase, but there’s no walkway or hall or anything at the top of the stairs. Instead there’s a two or three inch ledge that goes across the wall to the doorway we’re headed for. So little by little we make our way to the door.

Then in the way of dreams, I’m all of a sudden backstage and now I know I’m not there to be interviewed by Oprah. For some reason, I’m going on HER show to be the interviewer, not the interview-y. I start to panic because I haven’t taken any notes. How many questions are there to ask Oprah?

I’m watching Cybill Shepherd doing something on the stage from the wing and when she walks off she says to me, “I have some fantastic lip gloss you’re more than welcome to use.” Great! I think I’ll just quick step into this little powder room off the wing and freshen up my lips.

When I walk in there are about 20 round cases of lip gloss, all in the most beautiful shades. Not good because I can never make up my mind and I’ve got to be on stage, with Oprah, in like 30 seconds. I just grab one and look up into the mirror to apply the lip gloss and I’m horrified. I have not an ounce of makeup on, I’m blotchy, and my hair is in a ponytail, except I don’t have enough hair for a ponytail so it’s kind of like a sumo wrestler ponytail with hair coming out of the rubberband. I’m wearing the tackiest pair of jeans and I think an old, tattered sweatshirt. CRAP!! What was I thinking??

Then I’m on the stage with Oprah, totally baffled at why the makeup and hair and wardrobe people didn’t help a sister out a little. Too late now. I’m on National Television in front of millions of people. You only have one chance to make a first impression and I’ve certainly done that with the majority of America and how ever many other countries watch the show.

It starts okay and I don’t really have to say anything, then we move to commercial. During the break I whip out my battered spiral notebook with recipes, phone numbers, 6th grade math problems and crazy doodles and jot down some questions while Oprah is just looking at me like I’m an idiot. Which, okay. I am. She’s sitting there looking all beautiful and regal and I’m in my jeans with no makeup.

Thankfully this was about the time the alarm went off and I didn’t have to endure any more. I believe that some dreams do actually have some kind of subconscious meaning, but other dreams are just dreams. I’m hoping this was just a dream because I don’t want to know what it may have meant.


  1. Bookwormom on February 8, 2007 at 3:07 pm

    Good on ya for the Target trip. I guess I’m waaayyy behind in the bra dept. Hate shopping for ’em. I only have 8 & 2 are favs. Beware Target bras- I’ve had to toss a couple ‘cuz they were uncomfortable to wear for more than an hour. I don’t know what the problems were, but they were fine in the dressing room, but hell after awhile. That dream reminds me of the ‘naked in public dreams’ people have. I hope the hysterectomy/GYN appt. goes well- once you finally have it!

  2. Katybug on February 8, 2007 at 7:34 pm

    Wow…you have vivid dreams. I’m lucky if I can remember mine at all. My husband has spooky dreams. Spooky because he’ll dream about a plane crashing, and the next morning we’ll see it on the news. Spooooooky….

  3. Frannie Farmer on February 8, 2007 at 11:24 pm

    Yikes! I hate dreams like that .. they usually lead to something FOR ME!And wow, good for you for getting out and about. WAY TO GO!

  4. Zeek on February 9, 2007 at 10:29 am

    Oh goody! I love analyzing dreams!It is a dream much the same as showing up naked. Same feeling- exposed, unprepared. So where in life do you feel like you’re in the spotlight but you are feeling vulnerable because you think you are unprepared for the attention? That’s what this dream is highlighting for you. Whatever it may be, you shouldn’t feel as if your unprepared. You are very prepared (as evidenced with notes and the fact you are jotting down questions), it’s just YOU don’t think what’s going on inside is good enough to reveal to the world- or simply to people you admire.Also Cybil represents a part of yourself, or someone in real life that you feel has the same personality you associate with Cybil) that has what it takes to help you feel prepared- you just have use what she offers. (You can nail down exactly that part or person by asking yourself- “If I had to describe Cybil Shepard to someone who knows nothing of her, how would I?” And I’m not talking about looks necessarily- moreso personality. For example, I see her as strong and someone who knows what she wants- and doesn’t take no guff from anyone. She does what she wants- not what society dictates! So I would ask myself-is there a part of me that is strong and doesn’t take crap from no one? Is there someone in my sphere of people like that? Then that’s the part or persons I should lean on in the first area I mentioned …Make any sense??)

  5. Looney Mom on February 9, 2007 at 1:10 pm

    Hey Jen. Thank you for coming by. I did get your email. Sorry I didn’t reply; I’ve just been feeling so dazed and confused. That’s a healthy rant. You sure are having to go through a lot in your life right now. I know our Faithful Father will carry you through it.I liked Zeek’s interpretation of your dream. It’s better than anything I would have come up with since I have NOT a clue what dreams really mean. That’s a pretty funny dream. Hang in there.

  6. Jenster on February 9, 2007 at 2:52 pm

    Amanda – That’s exactly what my dream was like. Thank goodness I had on tacky jeans and a ratty sweatshirt!!Katybug – That IS spooky. As for my vivid dreams, it’s usually the ones I have right before I wake up that I remember. And yes. They are very vivid.Franny – Every time the phone rings I’m afraid it’s Oprah inviting me on her show! LOLYikes, Zeek! I’m going to have to give your analysis some thought. I don’t particularly like Oprah or Cybil – don’t dislike them, either. Just not a huge fan of either of them. Does that mean anything? But yes. What you said did make sense. Like I said, I’m going to have to really think about it.Looney – No worries. And yes, my faith carried me through much more difficult times than I’m having now and I know God will continue to do so. He’s pretty awesome that way. :o)Jen

  7. Zeek on February 9, 2007 at 3:15 pm

    lol! YOu don’t have to particularly like them- just think of how you feel about them … then bridge it to your life.I see it as different parts of yourself- one parts pushing you to go out and make yourself vulnerable (feel exposed before you’re ready) and this push is making your conscious self feel like your walking in dangerous territory. You’re not quite used to the idea to make you feel safe. Yet another part is saying it’s all right- i have everything you need to make it you feel protected safe- you just can’t let how you feel you look to the world hold you back because you ARE well prepared. Or something like that. hee

  8. Jenster on February 9, 2007 at 4:49 pm

    Okay. This is starting to make a little sense. It could be two things. One is – I’m thinking about maybe getting a part time job after the summer (how’s that for thinking ahead) but I haven’t worked outside the home in 12 years. So I’m a little afraid that I’m not qualified to do anything, though I’d really like for them to build a Borders or B&N around here for me to work at and I think I’m qualified for that. LOL The other thing is I’m writing a book about everything I’ve been through in the last 2 years. Part of me (most of me) doesn’t think it will get published and who would want to read it anyway, though I do get encouragement from people. So do I have the right stuff to write a book or not? I dunno.Wow! I haven’t thought this deeply about myself for a while. Don’t think I like it!!! :o)

  9. Zeek on February 9, 2007 at 5:00 pm

    Ya know I was gonna ask you if you were thinking of speaking or writing about your experiences, bet that’s what it’s about!Eitherway it’s definately showing you the apprehension you feel about laying everything out there …

  10. Zeek on February 9, 2007 at 5:02 pm

    Btw, that’s why we have dreams- to let you work out the deep stuff you don’t feel like dealing with in waking life!

  11. Jenster on February 9, 2007 at 5:24 pm

    How’s this for working stuff out. I took sewing in highschool and had to put a fly/zipper in a pair of pants I was making. I looked at the instructions and tried to figure it out for a couple days. I finally dreamed how to do it, went to school the next day and it went in without a hitch. I LOVE when that sort of thing happens!

  12. Deanna on February 10, 2007 at 2:43 am

    I didn’t realize exactly where you were!!! I have some friends in Malvern – in fact she works at several different mammography places around that area…I had a pen with the name of the clinic on it GRRR I don’t know where it is…anyway – HOW COOL!!I had a similar dream a few months ago – I was at a Beth Moore conference and she was sitting in front of me. During the singing she turned and asked if I would go up and sing a particular song – I told her I didn’t want to lose my seat!! I only agreed to go after she agreed to save my seat!!! LOLI’m glad someone else has bizarre dreams!!! 🙂

  13. Jenster on February 10, 2007 at 10:16 am

    Deeana – Do you know this area very well? Paoli is REALLY close to Malvern! Small world.That’s so funny about your dream. At least you’re a singer, though. If I had been asked by Beth Moore to sing it would have been awful. First of all, I can’t sing. Second of all, when I saw Beth Moore I cried through all the songs. LOL

  14. Bookwormom on February 10, 2007 at 3:39 pm

    Jenster- Tag you’re it! See my Feb 9th entry

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