The Right Motivation?

Ever since I started blogging back in 2006 I have periodically complained about my fluffiness. At that time I had a fairly good excuse for it – all the weight I’d gained while going through chemotherapy and various issues and treatments (mostly steroids) after cancer (but because of stupid cancer). That card’s been played, though, and it’s been time to move on for quite some time.

So have I slimmed up? No. Why? Because my ambition is always very short-lived. Apparently I hadn’t found the right motivation.

Until now. The other night we were watching “Grown Ups” and there’s a part when they’re at a water park. I LOVE water parks! I haven’t been on a water slide in years, though, and I’ve decided that’s going to change next summer.

You’re probably thinking that my newfound motivation is how I’ll look in a bathing suit at the water park but you would be wrong. If that was a sufficient catalyst I would have lost all this weight before we went to Hawaii two summers ago. No. My thought is this – if I lose the weight I’ll be able to more comfortably climb all those steps to the top of the water slide.

Hey. Whatever works.

To spur on this new drive was the women’s Christmas brunch at church yesterday. It’s hard enough to find a decent outfit – one that doesn’t make me look quite so blobbish – to wear on the stage in front of 70 or so women. I do a pretty good job of inserting myself into the mental fantasy that I look fit and trim. I don’t have to see me up there so I can roll with that lie. But yesterday’s event was filmed. I caught a very quick glimpse of myself on one of the big screens as I was giving my talk and it was tremendously frightening. I’m scared to actually see the video. But maybe if I watch it every morning I’ll lose my appetite and feel the urge to exercise for a couple of hours. One can hope.


  1. Dear Hubby on December 12, 2010 at 10:46 am

    You know that I think you are as beautiful as the day I met you!!

    • Jenster on December 12, 2010 at 2:29 pm

      I seriously love your delusions! And you, too. 🙂

  2. Becky on December 12, 2010 at 11:19 am

    Awww, Todd gets POINTS for that one!

    I think you read my mind with this one, lol.

  3. Lyn on December 12, 2010 at 11:38 am

    Oh, I LOVE what Dear Hubby says!!! Todd, you rock!

    Jen, this challenge and the ensuing journey is different for each of us. I’m still quite “fluffy,” as you have seen. But I’ve been almost 50 lbs. fluffier in the past. I went through the same process of gaining and losing my ambition and commitment to losing weight. For me it took two things to shift me into gear and keep my foot on the accelerator. First was a candid picture taken from behind at a high school class reunion in 2002. I was abhored! But I printed it out and kept it where I could see it often, but NOT on the fridge. (I didn’t start working on the weight loss for another 4-5 years, however.) Second, I quit dieting. Or rather, I quit TRYING to diet. I just began eating as wisely as I could, not eliminating anything from my diet, but keeping everything “sensible” in proportion sizes and content. (No artificial sweeteners, as many fresh ingredients as possible; I still use real butter and heavy cream, but just monitor who often or how much; etc.) I was actually not even trying to lose weight; I was just trying to keep myself as healthy as I could.

    It has been a slow process. I’m still not even near the “swimsuit next summer” stage (although I did get into a swimsuit in Hawaii!). But I have lost nearly 50 pounds over the last 4 years. BTW, I’ve had some regaining of weight off and on, too, but overall, the scale has eked downward. I guess what I’m saying is that I hope you can relax a little (and obviously Todd will support you) and don’t over-challenge yourself. Slowly change the focus, and let yourself be happy with 10 or 15 pounds loss in a year. It will be a longer process, but it will be easier on your body AND your mind. Please don’t push too hard or set goals that are self-defeating. Don’t imagine a size 6 by next summer!

    You are a beautiful woman. Your beauty is both internal and external, and your goal should be to make yourself more healthy, slowly and wisely. You can’t be more beautiful, regardless of what the gremlins in your head are saying!

    Sending love and hugs. 🙂

  4. Jenster on December 12, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    Thanks, ladies. I’m not really setting any specific goal, Lyn. I just want to get more active and eat healthier and see how that goes. And I just want to be able to climb those water slide stairs without feeling like I’m going to die! lol

    I think you look fabulous just the way you are!

  5. Lyn on December 12, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    And 3 years from now, I will look 30 lbs fabulous-er! Thanks, sweetie! You, too!

  6. carpoolqueen on December 13, 2010 at 10:10 am

    I’ve been the same way about exercise. I finally stopped looking for motivation and ended up just doing it despite the motivation.

    Funny thing, too, I’ve also stopped the “all in” approach. Like your friend, Lyn, it’s been more of a moderation type thing. I’m not exercising every day. It’s only 3, maybe four days a week. Last week it was 1 day and I didn’t beat myself up. The moderate approach, with no changes to the eating, led to a size down in the last two months. The scales haven’t budged that much (only four pounds down), but I’m feeling better.

    You’ve got the right mindset. Better, not perfect.

Leave a Reply