“THE” Sermon

Picture me winking my eye at you while saying an exaggerated “‘Theeeeee’ Sermon”. Done? Okay.

Yesterday was the first sermon in the “Our Rotten Sex Life” series at church. Good stuff and I thought I would share. True to Jenster’s Musings it will be convoluted, however, I will end up with a point. So join me through the confusing maze that is my thought process…

I am a romance reader and proud of it. I’ll say it again. I READ ROMANTIC FICTION! My absolute favorite genre is historical fiction and if it has some romance in it then even better.


Why is it people who don’t read romance think it’s all about the sex? Contrary to what some think, romance and sex are NOT the same thing. And just because a book is considered a romance does NOT mean there is even sex in it. So for any of you who might equate romance books with porn you’d better think again. I know a few inspirational romance writers who would take issue with that statement.


As I said, historical fiction is my favorite. There are quite a few “historical romance” authors who use history as wallpaper. It’s just a time period and setting and may or may not be accurate. Readers have become pickier over the years, though, and many more of these authors do months, sometimes years, of research to make their books as historically accurate as possible. It’s these kinds of books that I enjoy. The books where I get a great story AND a history lesson.

One of the history lessons I’ve learned is that there was a time when “ladies of good breeding” did not enjoy the act of procreation. Women who enjoyed that sort of thing with their husbands were considered wanton, immoral creatures. I love to talk history and could go into much greater detail, but then you might fall asleep and miss an important meeting or a favorite television show or something. Just suffice it to say the Victorians had some skewed views of propriety.

I bring all this up because it’s relevant to yesterday’s sermon. I don’t know about other religions, but there are still Christians who don’t see sex as a righteous thing. They maybe view it as something dirty or taboo and a lot of churches don’t do anything to change that way of thinking.

Oh how I wish I could just put up a YouTube video of Brian Jones’ message yesterday. It was entertaining to say the least. But in the midst of all the humor was a great message. As promised, I took notes. Not detailed or copious, but I hit the highlights.

There are three things to do for the best sex you’ll ever have:

Number 3 – You must believe God wants you to have great sex

He did invent sex, after all. And there’s a ton of scripture to back this one up. So who am I to argue with the Almighty??

Number 2 – You must make a commitment to work at having a great sex life

A survey on Brian’s blog asked the question, “In your marriage, when your sex life is less than satisfying, what would you say is the primary reason?” The top five answers, in order, were:

1. Tired/Fatigue
2. Not Interested
3. Lack of Emotional Connection
4. Kids around/Lack of privacy/No time alone
5. Medical/Physiological Issues

As a woman who has been married nearly 20 years I can say the first four reasons affect a lot more than just a couple’s sex life.

Number 1 – You must do it God’s way

I know what you’re thinking, but that’s not what was meant. What was meant was God has conditions for sex.

1. Stay faithful
2. Wait until marriage

I realize that neither one of these conditions are very popular in today’s culture, especially the second one. But IF you believe in God and IF you believe the Bible tells it the way God wants it, then there you have it.


I’m still in tourist mode (sorry Terri) but I knew each and every one of you were dying to know about yesterday’s sermon and I hated to disappoint.


Later this week – Amish buggy spotted at car wash. Stay tuned.


  1. Rosie on October 22, 2007 at 5:29 pm

    Informative AND entertaining. Isn’t it mind boggling when someone says out loud the most obvious and truthful things? It’s also affirming and comforting.

  2. Katybug on October 22, 2007 at 6:25 pm

    “Why is it people who don’t read romance think it’s all about the sex? Contrary to what some think, romance and sex are NOT the same thing. And just because a book is considered a romance does NOT mean there is even sex in it. So for any of you who might equate romance books with porn you’d better think again. I know a few inspirational romance writers who would take issue with that statement.”I SO AGREE!!! This drives me nuts!!! Thank goodness for these books…they have made a HUUUUUUUGE difference in my sex life! They got rid of that “not interested” portion. 🙂

  3. Daisy on October 22, 2007 at 7:13 pm

    Oh dear. Bee and I have 5 out of 5 going on. That’s not good. At least now I know what to do about it! ;o)

  4. Swishy on October 22, 2007 at 8:59 pm

    I would love to be a fly on the wall of that room!

  5. Shushan on October 22, 2007 at 9:00 pm

    You are absolutely right that Romance and sex are not the same. Wordsworth wasn’t all that racy after all ;-)Romance – as a word- referred to experiencing life completely, with one’s senses – as an observer glowingly discussing the immersed feeling of awe nature can give us :: the joy of a waterfall, raindrops on tulips, the cleansing summer wind blowing though you and a cloud of daffodils, the quiet pride of the grandfather teaching his craft to the littlest one… now, of course, you can observe – sense- and discuss glowingly- intimate events as well.Some did – causing quite a sensation, and the general adoption of the word to mean stories about passionate relationships.kinda limiting though.Don’t expect me to read these post topics carefully ;)Blessings,Susan

  6. Sherry on October 22, 2007 at 9:34 pm

    Sounded like a good sermon…did your parents attend Church with you yesterday? And?????I can’t wait to hear the one about the Amish buggy at the car wash!!!

  7. Jenster on October 22, 2007 at 10:13 pm

    Rosie – I agree it’s always good to have what seems obvious confirmed. :o)Katybug – Teehee!!!!Daisy – I’ll keep you posted. lolSwishy!! I’ve wished I was you several times over the last week. I’ve missed so many great photo opportunities that I know you would have gotten. Like the Amish buggy at the car wash. That would have been PRICELESS!!!Susan – Thank you for the “romance” history. Very interesting! And don’t worry. No expectations here. :o)Sherry – Yes, my parents went to church with us. They thoroughly enjoyed the message. And you’ll just have to wait for the buggy story…

  8. Becky on October 23, 2007 at 12:01 am

    Great post, Jenster! Well said about romance fiction and spot on with what your pastor said, too. So was your church attendance up that day, lol? How did your kids handle having 3 generations of family sitting through that sermon material together?I know you all will probably think I’m terrible, but sometimes I’ve wondered how some of the prudish couples I know from my church ever managed to even HAVE children…and some of them had several! Especially given that you could read some pretty ‘racy’ stuff in the Bible in Song of Songs, yet they persist in acting like it’s almost sinful. I wonder if that little old lady who called it the “Sex Church” snuch in the back row, LOL?

  9. Dorky Dad on October 23, 2007 at 1:23 am

    Yeah, we went through a 9-week long marriage class and had some one-on-one sessions with the pastor — they included some awfully frank talk about sex and making sure it’s fun for both partners. A little weird hearing it in church, but good stuff!

  10. Jill Aldrich on October 23, 2007 at 10:52 am

    Jen’s back! Whoopee! And the topic is…Whoopee! While my brand of Christianity differs slightly (hey, I live in CA), I’m totally with you on the spirit of the thing and think it’s important and courageous that your church and you support good sex! Thanks for the update and look forward to a little Amish buggy washin’ 🙂

  11. Shauna on October 23, 2007 at 12:00 pm

    Jenster, thanks for sharing. I, too, wish you could post it on YouTube. But thanks for giving us the highlights. I get the tired/fatigue thing. It comes with a busy life and little ones. Sometimes it’s all I can do to crawl my butt into bed. 😉 It sounds like this series is going to be AWESOME! Keep giving us the pointers. 😉 And enjoy your touristing. I can’t wait to hear about the buggy and car wash. tee-hee. There’s nothing like the smell of wet horse. 🙂

  12. Mama P on October 23, 2007 at 4:59 pm

    Wow, Jen, is this ever timely. I JUST sent in my contract to Good Housekeeping. Yours, truly, is going to have the sex and marriage blog on their site. I will definitely be back to re-read this. I think everything you said is right on target. It’s very similar to my pitch to the magazine, minus the God part. You are sooooooooo right on.

  13. Jenster on October 23, 2007 at 5:10 pm

    Becky – Church attendance was up quite a bit, but I don’t have any numbers. Kids under 9th grade were involved elsewhere, but my son didn’t seem to mind being in there with us. Though he did tell me to put the notebook away when I whipped that out. lol And you’re cracking me up on your statement about how some people have kids.Dorky Dad – We didn’t have anything from God’s version of the Kama Sutra handbook or anything. :o)Shauna – Come back next week for lesson #2. :o)Mama P – Oooo! I’m looking forward to your GH blog!!

  14. Monnik on October 23, 2007 at 7:50 pm

    So did they give tips on how to overcome the issues listed in the top five reasons you don’t have sex? I am going through a slump and need some advice on getting back into it. it’s never been a problem of mine before, so I’m in desperate need of Dr. Jenster’s advice!

  15. SeaSpray on October 24, 2007 at 3:14 am

    Great post Jen and so true! Sex was given by God.When I was young and just starting out I remember hearing from a Christian that a husband and wife were only aloud to have sex a certain way and was so relieved to hear an evangelist say that “anything” a married couple agrees to do in their marriage bed is alright with God. That was a huge relief to me. he blesses that unity and wants us to have fun and it is every bit spiritual as it is physical and having intercourse deepens that connection/bond. T’is a beautiful thing. 😉 Have you ever wondered why sexually men are like microwaves and women are like crockpots? Like why didn’t God match us up a little better there? Then why are women’s natural inclination to cuddle afterward (makes perfect sense) and men can easily disengage unless prompted to do otherwise? I have a girlfriend who always jokes that she can’t cook or clean and she shops a lot but her husband is happy because she makes sure he gets lots of sex. :)Jen, I finally did the meme you tagged me with. I like memes but just let them add up. 🙂

  16. SeaSpray on October 24, 2007 at 3:18 am

    Actually, I recently read that women release oxytocin (I think that’s it and not sure of spelling)during sex and is why they want to cuddle and men don’t release that.I also meant to say intercourse or alternate sexual pleasures are alright in the marriage bed.

  17. Lainey-Paney on October 24, 2007 at 3:45 pm

    oh, i bet that’s a good series.it’s a series, right?anywho…sounds good so far.

  18. Manic Mom on October 24, 2007 at 4:20 pm

    Number 1 – You must do it God’s wayDoing it God’s way… that must mean Goddy Style…bwahahahahahaah! That is the most hysterical thing I’ve ever made up!

  19. SeaSpray on October 24, 2007 at 6:35 pm

    That’s funny manic mom! LOL!Just to be clear…I don’t mean anything perverse and I’m not judging either…just that there’s more than one way to … and we don’t have to be puritanical, I think “Goddy Style” is whatever we do to bring love and pleasure to each other that is agreeable by both and further deepens the bond.

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