Welcome To My Bachelor Pad

I’m not sure when I lost control over my house. Perhaps it was when the hormonal balance within these walls shifted. Considering my own lack of estrogen and the absence of another female in the house on a consistent basis, the testosterone can be almost palpable at times.

I know I’m partially to blame. Last October I went away for a girls’ weekend and when I returned home there was a hammock in the family room. I let Mr. Jenster keep it inside for a temporary, yet unspecified amount of time. And then I took a nap in it.

Holiest moly ever!

It was a chilly Sunday afternoon and a nap seemed just the thing. Mr. Jenster suggested I get snuggled in his mummy bag inside the hammock. So I did and there ensued the best nap in the very long history of naps. I’m fairly certain I smiled the entire time I was asleep. And I fully understand why babies like to be swaddled. I felt as though I was being perpetually hugged, held in loving canvas arms.

I could wax poetic much longer about the nap to rival all naps, but you get the idea. It made it really hard to ban the delicious haven of fabric and cord after that. Was that part of Todd’s diabolical plan? Possibly. Whether on purpose or not, though, I fell in love with the hammock.

Finally, however, it had to go. It does take up a lot of room and I think we may have had some friends over or something. I don’t really remember the reason, but sometime around Thanksgiving the hammock was removed from the frame and it was taken from the family room.

Only to show up again earlier this winter. But that’s not all that’s ended up in the family room. Look here:

Do you see them? Look a little closer:

A framed photo of Roy Halladay and a Lord of the Rings pez dispenser set placed on the ledges that are supposed to hold only family photos and such. When I complained about it I was met with, “You know you love it.”

Just so we’re all on the same page – I don’t love it.

But the insanity goes further. Last Saturday, while we were supposed to be doing some spring cleaning, Mr. Jenster and the man child started scheming about a pulley system throughout the entire house. One that would hold chair hammocks and allow you to “glide” from room to room. The hammocks will have drink holders and Mr. Jenster will use his little drone to carry beverages to persons wherever they may be. Those pesky man-types fed off of each other and one crazy idea led to another, crazier idea.

I ended up with a stomach bug that afternoon. Coincidence?

While the odds may be stacked against me, I’m not giving up on the dream of a Pinterest worthy family room…

… and I’m crushing the nightmare of this possible eventuality.